An Enriching First Year for Baby with Laurie Hollman

In today’s episode of the “Helping Families be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Guest, Dr. Laurie Hollman. She discusses her book ‘Playing with Baby’. This book guides using attuned interactions with your baby to create a strong parent-child bond. In each chapter, there are month-by-month play options and the research behind them. 

Episode Highlights

• 01:10 - Dr. Laurie says she is a Psychoanalyst, and she has worked with infants through older adults. But what prompted this book was when she became an Infant-Parent Psychotherapist.
• 02:33 – Dr. Laurie initially wrote only parenting books. The first book was called ‘Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in your Child's Behavior’ but the narcissism book was by chance.
• 04:32 – Dr. Carla enquires if parents who are in tune with their babies can help them not grow up to be narcissists.
• 06:41 – Dr. Laurie states that the focus of this book is on the baby's mind rather than physical milestones.
• 08:30 – The book focuses on parent-child collaboration and problem-solving. It's about understanding the meaning of a child's behavior. 
• 10:01 – Dr. Laurie is teaching mothers how to observe their baby so they can see what's the message the infant is giving to the mother and then they will know how to respond.
• 10:37 – Dr. Carla enquires what would Dr. Laurie encourage parents to do to help support more attunement to their child and revel in the child's milestones?
• 11:44 – There's new research coming out on how the development of an infant in the first year has been impacted by the COVID restrictions, states Dr. Laurie.
• 13:19 – Dr. Laurie points out, she has tried to share with mothers that when you get back in the car or on the subway, however, you got to your pediatrician. Take off that mask and deal with that baby because she will have missed you and have got confused.
• 15:00 – Infants learn by seeing and they only see the eyes but their audio works. So, the baby in utero learns the voice of the mother. So, when a baby is born, they already know that sound so that it stays consistent even with a mask on so that's just reassuring, highlights Dr. Laurie.
• 17:25 – Dr. Carla mentions that we adults like it when our significant others make eye contact with us and how much more important that is for a newborn child who was relying on his mom and dad for everything. 
• 19:10 – The research indicates further that both right and left-handed mothers hold their babies on the left side of their bodies to comfort their infants.
• 20:50 - A fantastic finding from first it said infants are motivated to identify patterns, footers, and sequences.
• 23:10 – Dr. Carla says, it's survival of our species that they need to be able to predict some amount of outcome and that we now have research that reassures us that yes, these little beings are there are some ways to train us our day.
• 25:56 - Once their (baby) eyes reach the target they look back at you because they want your feedback. See if they've isolated the right target, mentions Laurie
• 27:24 – Baby’s gaze is going to alternate between his choice of target, which might be a toy, and your face until he sees that you have joined his attention, states Laurie
• 30:55 - We are accustomed to seeing mobiles, even advertisements hanging in the middle of the crib. That's not where they belong because that's not where your baby's first going to look.
• 32:48 – Dr. Laurie shares some illustrations from the book. 
• 34:06 – Baby is learning something called ‘Object Constancy’, which means that when an object is out of view, an object is out of view, it still exists.
• 36:00 – Dr. Laurie shares an illustration from her book of a seven-month-old baby named Samantha which is about Parent Psychotherapy Sessions.
• 41:38 – Dr. Laurie uses this example because mothers are people and mothers have mothers and things are going to interfere in your lives with playing with your baby and how you manage them is very important.
• 42:20 – Kazz is becoming an attentive mother even when her family situation is challenging, due to her own mother's emotional illness.
• 43:50 – Think about your baby's vision. A baby's line of sight or vision is most clearly focused at the distance of a person holding them.
• 45:06 - We have the mistaken belief that our babies learn to read when she's not that she remembers what pictures are all about.
• 47:03 – Dr. Carla points out, whatever we say be a good or not so good becomes part of who we are. When we're interacting with baby, whatever we say, or do babies imitate it.

Three Key Points

1. The key message in the book is, from birth, infants live in a two-person world and as per 50 years old research, babies were considered to be entirely symbiotic with their mother. We learned that they certainly depend on their mother and they need to be nursed or bed, but they do have minds of their own. It’s a two-person world from the start, and that's a kind of exciting thing to share. 
2. If a mother, father, or primary caregiver is depressed then that is a very serious problem for a baby. You need another caretaker there as well who is going to fill in that gap where the baby is going to have trouble learning.
3. You'll find that each chapter is a different month. So, each chapter will give a lot of information about how the research is easily understood and it will optimize your play choices.

Tweetable Quotes

• “People feel like I took the clinical concept and made it very accessible to many readers. And that was my aim.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “If you're a mommy listening or reading this interview, they will choose you over others with their gazes.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “I can just see when you have a baby in your arms and mommy or daddy looking down at baby that attunement that you get from that gaze that locked Love Field gaze is where the child feels seen and safe. I love that.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Recognition is the way the baby learns what's going on, and the way they relate to you and mothers at home don't wear masks. So that solves that problem since the kids go out, everybody has a mask on that's completely contrary to what an infant how do they learn” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “I saw her then with her mask off and I studied her, I just said you need to stay right there for a minute. I need to take in who you are.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “It's found that the right orbital frontal cortex and Vaccae area right behind your eyes sockets moderates the mother's abilities to understand for infants emotional choose and respond to their senses.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “The mother is as biologically programmed from her pregnancy to want to play with her baby in the first few days.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “Mothers pointing her finger out their forefinger at the baby will follow her line of vision.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “Play does not equal toys. Play is about the interaction; play is interacting with the baby.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “I have to tell you the red neon was very purposeful because babies like red, yellow, black and white.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “We're so attuned to rapid activity that we forget babies need to think and take their time so we need to be patient and wait.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “You can use anything you pick and put it under a blanket ticket app and your baby will want to do that over and over and over again” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “We know that Kazz is going to be worried about her mother. But even so, it doesn't distract her too much from focusing on Samantha.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “How important that is to be compassionate with yourself and your situation. So, then you can also be compassionate in your interactions with your little one.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Babies love novelty. So, if they see the same picture over and over, like with cardboard picture books, they may start to resent just so showing something else and they pick right up.” - Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “Babies learn from us very quickly by imitation. So, it's just wonderful to realize again no toys needed.” – Dr. Laurie Hollman
• “When interacting with a baby or even when you don't think you're interacting with baby, how important it is for us to model kindness, love compassion, our patients slowing down and being attuned.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter   Instagram
• Laurie Hollman: Website
• Podcast Editing