Helping Families Be Happy

The Duality of Anxious and Calm with Noah benShea

In today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California talks to Noah benShea, one of North America's most respected and beloved poet philosophers. He has the Pulitzer Prize-nominated and internationally best-selling author of 29 books translated into 18 languages, embraced around the world. Today they will discuss the duality of anxiety and calm from his most recent book, The Surfer and the Sage, how to survive and ride life waves that he co-wrote with World Champion Surfer Sean.

Episode Highlights

• 01.54. Noah explains what is anxiety and calm?
• 02.30: If you think that you are going to find any plus in life without a minus or any minus in life for which you cannot find a plus.
• 02.58: Anxiety is the most common passport people use when they express how they are feeling now.
• 04.07: Think of anxiety as a balancing poll that will keep you upright on your life board as you witness waves that can threaten to topple you.
• 04.39: Calm is a word that has been idealized in every religion and teaching across time. Finding that quiet, safe place inside of you is about as good as it gets in life.
• 05.10: Choose calm when it calms your spirit, but do not choose calm when it robs you of the wild ride you want to remember for the rest of your life.
• 06.42: You have to decide what you are going to accept from your mind so that you have be able to step outside and realize you don't want to put your mind's thoughts in the driver's seat.
• 09.19: It is an ancient tradition, that in breath there is calm.
• 09.27: If you know someone who's going through an anxiety attack. One of the most common manifestations of it is you will witness them being unable to breathe.
• 11.13: Conspiring usually means people planning a robbery, but it really means people breathing together.
• 13.01: Noah talks about the 478 technique of breathing and how it works. 

3 Key Points

1. What people seldom realize is that anxiety is not necessarily negative.
2. Don't give anxiety too much of your attention because anxiety isn't a boost, but a caution and anxiety won't improve your future.
3. Noah talks about the ancient connection of breathing techniques and how it is mentioned in the bible as well.

Tweetable Quotes

• "It was clear to us that we had to write on any topic on the duality of it, because life seems to be coming and going at the same time." - Noah
• "The word anxious can by itself make you feel anxious." - Christopher
• "I remind people that the issue of being shamed by anxiety because you are so taught and tense about what is happening is a reminder that it is not an act of character to beat yourself up because you did something wrong." – Noah
• "I have a reminder when I say my prayers in the morning, I say to God I take your breath and I return your breath." - Noah

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Podcast Editing
• Get the book: HERE

Kitchen Secrets with Jason Goldstein

In today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California, talks to Jason Goldstein. He is the author and creator of Chop Happy, a fantastic blog. He specializes in delicious and simple comfort dishes that showcase rich flavors, inventive ideas, and unique cooking tips and advice. Jason is the author of the Happy Sandwich, scrumptious sandwiches to make you smile. Today they are going to explore how to save money, do fewer dishes, and save time in the kitchen.

 

Episode Highlights

• 03.44: As per Jason, when it comes to efficient kitchen management time is usually the most important. No matter what you do, no matter where you are, everyone wants some more free time or time for themself. 
• 04.30: Jason shares how one can cook pasta in a slow cooker.
• 06.24: Jason shares how sheet pan saves dishes and how one can make a whole meal on a sheet pan.
• 07.27: Jason reveals how he keeps the meats and veggies separate in a sheet pan. 
• 09.05: Doubling recipes save time shares, Jason. 
• 10.02: Budget is important for everybody and as per Jason people overspend anyway, regardless of inflation and stuff. 
• 10.30: Frozen vegetables are frozen at the peak of their freshness. So you are actually getting the same nutritional value and stuff for less price and it's already prepared for you
• 11.02: There are a lot of ways to save time. As per Jason see your pantry and use your frozen and canned items. 
• 13.17 If you have bacon leftover and you use it for a recipe for breakfast, you can actually freeze it again and just take it out and use it, says Jason. 
• 14.21: Jason shares how one can cook the perfect pizza. 
• 16.00: Jason talks about cooking hacks that will help people in their kitchen, save time, have fewer dishes, and save money.

3 Key Points

1. Jason shares how the slow cooker is a great piece of equipment that can help you to save time.
2. Food is good money, food is expensive, and inflation has really hit people's pocketbooks. Jason shares his idea for saving money and how people can avoid overspending on food.
3. Jason talks about the difference between frozen and non-frozen food and how much nutritional value each holds. 

Tweetable Quotes

• "What you can do is after you get the kids to bed, you're getting ready to watch whatever shows on Netflix you want, you drop things into the slow cooker, put it in the fridge. And right before you go to work, you start your day. Just turn it on take it out of the fridge and turn on that slow cooker and it will cook dinner for you, so you don't have to spend a lot of time doing stuff throughout the day to make dinner happen." - Jason
• "If you are trying to roast meatballs and veggies with all those hacks on TikTok where you get the crispiest potatoes and you smash those potatoes, just take like the tin foil and make like a little section in the middle so it doesn't get there." - Jason
• "I actually love to double my recipes whenever I make, so if I am making a meatloaf with potatoes, I will actually use sushi pans and I will turn the oven to convection. So that the air circulates on everything and everything cooks evenly. And I will make two of them so that this way you one I will eat for the week or make sandwiches out of them or whatever it is we need to do. And the other one, I will wrap and freeze it and then I will just defrost it, so I have dinner another time for me." - Jason 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families Be Happy Podcast Apple
• Familius Instagram Facebook Twitter
• Jason Golstein Instagram TikTok
• https://chophappy.com/
• Podcast Editing

One and Done with Rebecca Greene

On today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manley, talks with Rebecca Greene. She will be talking about her new book, one and done. Rebecca shares how does her work and her book in particular help families be happy.

Episode Highlights

• 1.50: Rebecca loves her job as a therapist, and she has been working with clients. One of the things she has realized was that only-child families don't have a lot of resources just dedicated to them.
• 03.10: When Rebecca noticed the lack of guides for only child families, it made me realize that there was a wonderful opportunity to write a how-to parenting guide self-help book specifically tailored for only child families. 
• 04.47: Rebecca discusses the blessings and challenges in raising an only child.
• 05.24: In today's society, most of the time both parents working outside of the home, or if it's a single parent family with that parent working outside of the home, time and energy are in short supply these days. So many parents make the decision to have one child because they feel that they can best raise a child when they get all of their time and energy rather than diluting it amongst multiple children.
• 05.55: Some families make their decision to have one child based on finances makes sense. They decide that they can live their best life if they have one child that they put all of their financial resources toward.
• 07.01: Rebecca talks about socializing issues faced by a single child.
• 08.20: One of the stereotypes of only children is that they are always lonely, says Rebecca.
• 09.37: In case of a single child parents can feel obligated to play with their child 24/7, like all the time which can cause burnout in the parents and many times parents, especially if they work from home or working full time, they just don't have a lot of time and energy left over to necessarily spend hours after work playing with their child. 
• 11.20: It has been shown research wise that only children are very successful academically and, in their career, and that has been attributed to the fact that parents spend so much time one-on-one with their child.
• 12.18: Many only children excel academically in school. They go on to excel and become leaders in their career field. Especially because they have had so much practice being leaders at home and many times with their friends only children have been shown to have very high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem. 
• 13.10: It is a very widely held stereotype about only children, that only children are always spoiled, that they can't share with other kids, that their social skills are not as good as children, growing up in families with siblings, but that actually are stereotypes, says Rebecca.
• 14.18: Parents can be very mindful when raising only child to make sure they have a realistic view of wants versus needs and to make sure that they have a balance in their life, so they get some of what they want.
• 17.43: Rebecca's book is written for both families who are one and done by choice, and also for families who are one and done not by choice.
• 19.26: Rebecca interviewed families from the UK, Australia, France, Japan, a variety of different countries, because she wanted to include what it's like to raise an only child in other countries

3 Key Points

1. Rebecca's book is not meant to help parents make the decision to have one child it is when readers start the book, they have already made that decision. It is a step-by-step parenting guide to help parents.
2. Rebecca shares how many only children really nurture their creative sides because they are very resourceful. 
3. Rebecca explains how it can be challenging to have a smaller family than one would have otherwise preferred.

Tweetable Quotes

• "I myself is an only child and I am raising an only child and my perspective as a parent and as an only child myself and as a therapist who works with families who have only children and are experiencing different issues related to that, it all made me realize that there should be more books dedicated to the topic of raising only children." -  Rebecca
• "I have experienced what it feels like to be left out socially because we have one child and there wouldn't be a friend for the child that my son would like to hang out. So, it that can be really, really distressing." - Rebecca
• "When kids get some of the things that they want and many of the things that they need, that's a healthy balance. What becomes an unhealthy balance is when kids get everything, they need plus everything they want all the time." - Rebecca

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Familius Instagram Facebook Twitter
• Rebecca Greene Instagram 
• https://www.rebeccagreeneauthor.com/
• Podcast Editing

 

The Duality of Despair and Hope with Shaun Tomson

In today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California, talks to Shaun Tomson. Shaun is a former world surfing champion and has been described as one of the greatest and most influential surfers of all time. He is an inductee in the US Jewish and South African sports halls of fame. Today they are going to talk about despair and hope from his most recent book - The Surfer and the Sage: A Guide to Survive and Ride Life's Waves.

 

Episode Highlights

• 02.20: The book is a way to help people to move from a place of darkness to light to move from despair to hope to move to be anxious to calm, says Shaun.
• 03.07: Shaun's father, was an Olympic hopeful from South Africa in the 1948 Olympics and he had a tragic accident while surfing off the coast. Shaun shares his father's story and how that changed the course of his life and helped him understand the duality of despair and hope. 
• 05.04: Shaun's earliest memory of his dad was taking him to swim and surf. He had taught him how to surf and swim about 100 yards away from where he had this terrible attack that destroyed his swimming career.
• 06.46: Shaun shares how his father loved to help young athletes. He took joy in helping people.
• 10.40: There are a number of ways you can get through grief, darkness, and despair, says Shaun. 
• 10.50: Connecting with nature, reconnecting with your faith and helping others are some of the ways to recover from grief or loss.
• 13.20: A little gesture of kindness, you never know how it can be given at the right moment for someone that really, really, really needs it, says Shaun. 
• 16.50: Christopher shares how we can get through trouble. He says it is when we forget ourselves and we go, and we are in the service of other people.

3 Key Points

1. Shaun shares how his father positively impacted so many lives, hundreds and hundreds of lives on the beach in South Africa, helping young people realize their dreams. 
2. Shaun narrates how he won the biggest swimming contest in the world.
3. Christopher and Shaun discuss how helping people can actually help you in return.

Tweetable Quotes

• "I think my dad was this wonderful example to me as a young boy of just being optimistic and hopeful and not dwelling on the negative." – Shaun
• "My dad never dwelled on the shark attack. He wasn't a depressed guy. He was always upbeat. He was always optimistic." – Shaun
• "We create hope by also creating working to create hope and other people." - Christopher

 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Familius Instagram Twitter Facebook
• Shaun Tomson LinkedIn 
• Podcast Editing

Adding Creativity to Your Daily Routine with Devon Meves

In today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California, talks to Devon Meves. She is a curriculum consultant and educational content creator with master's in education and teaching and curriculum and BSR education. Throughout her career, Devon has focused on two things, education, and creativity. She is the founder of ureadyteddy. 

Episode Highlights

• 2.10: Today Christopher and Devon are going to discuss how families can include more creativity and learning in their lives.
• 03.25: Devon talks about process art. She explains it is the opposite of what we are used to thinking. Process art is the opposite of traditional art. The final product is very open-ended because of that it promotes more creativity than the traditional product art.
• 05.28: Process art promotes confidence and self-esteem related to art. 
• 06.36: We have so many books that we have explored about creativity. There is one by Mary Potter Kenyon where she has written to create, and she says that little children know how to be creative. It's just they create everything about them. They want to play, experiment, build. They said that we start to lose this as we get older. 
• 07.59: Learning together is one of the best ways to really bond with their kids. 
• 08.48: Devon explains what open ended play is.
• 09.35: Open-ended play is getting back to the basics and letting kids use their imaginations to play in whatever way they choose to play.
• 11.45: Open ended play involves a lot of problem-solving skills, critical thinking skills, and a lot of other 21st century skills like really being independent and flexible. 
• 12.36: Devon shares how through open ended play children are developing problem solving skills because they are encountering challenges.
• 13.39: If instead of doing these step-by-step intricate crafts or play setups, you take a step back, you can give children the materials and see what they do with them. See how they create art with these materials or see how they play with these materials, it's a lot easier to incorporate these things than an adult might think, says Devon.
• 16.00: One example of an open-ended play activity that Devon really like to do is taking toy cars, toy trains, things like that outside. Children normally play with them inside on a track, and we take them outside and by changing that context they really have to think more creatively. 

3 Key Points

1. Devon shares how both adult and children can benefit from process art. 
2. open-ended play is when your goal is to creativity and just imagination.
3. Devon shares some examples of how she thinks families can be better at incorporating process art and open-ended play as they work with their children. 

Tweetable Quotes

• "I think a lot of us grew up either feeling like we were good at art, or we were bad at art. And if we were good at art, we probably liked the class if we thought we were bad at art we probably felt a little frustrated or stressed out in our class, and when we take away that expectation of what the final product looks like and allow these kids to just experiment freely, there's no right or wrong answers." - Devon 
• "Adults can benefit from experimenting with materials and making discoveries alongside with their kids, which is kind of a fun, kind of fun bonding experience because they are learning something together." – Devon
• "Whatever you believe you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - Christopher

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• https://www.ureadyteddy.com/about/
• Podcast Editing

 

Opening Day at Yankee Stadium with Kelly Bennett

In today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California, talks to Kelly Bennett. She has been writing professionally for more than 30 years both fiction and nonfiction. Her award-winning picture books included Not Norman a Goldfish Story, Vampire Baby, Your Daddy Was Just Like You and The House That Ruth Built celebrate all that goes into being a kid, families, friends, pets, fun and games. 

Episode Highlights

• 2.00: Today Christopher and Kelly are going to discuss baseball and the history of the original Yankee Stadium and the opening game between the Yankees and Red Sox. 
• 03.20: The Yankees are the team that made baseball the phenomenon it is today. Around the 90’s it was America's sport at the time. 
• 04.20: Kelly shares how her grandfather was into baseball. Her grandfather was a semi-pro ballplayer. Later she and her brother started playing, now her kids also play baseball. 
• 05.02: There is geometry in baseball, the statistics are just beyond belief in baseball. Kind of gives us an idea of why baseball has been such a fascinating sport for the American public for well over 100 years. 
• 05.54: Baseball is the one game where anything can happen. Anything that ball can go anywhere. It can be hit, or it cannot be hit.
• 06.31: This April celebrates the 100-year anniversary of the original Yankee Stadium opening,
• 08.25: Kelly shares how Babe Ruth changed the game of baseball. People started hearing about Babe Ruth hitting and they started coming to the games just to see if he would hit it. And even when he struck out, they loved it because he put so much into it that he'd spin around beyond. He was a total hand, so it was more about the showman. Because of that, the stadium was built. 
• 09.17: Kelly shares what made Babe Ruth such an iconic figure that transcended time.
• 11.24: Kelly shares what made her so interested in researching this opening day game and the history behind it. Her book includes the fans, the hawkers, the details of the stadium, and the players.
• 12.58: Families have these habits that we believe help families be happy. One is Play Together and one learns together. Kelly’s book falls within those. 
• 15.14: Playing ball is not about your gender, it's not about your physicality. It's about anybody who can play actual catch, starting with your toddler.
• 17.07: Kelly shares one story that she loves about Babe Ruth. 
• 19.02: The house that Ruth built comes out in April 2023, the 100-year anniversary of the first game played between the Red Sox and the Yankees on April 1923.

3 Key Points

1. Kelly shares why she is so interested in baseball and what is her history with baseball. 
2. Kelly explains how Babe Ruth was able to draw all by himself, triple and five times and 10 times the fans that any other stadium, including the archrivals, then New York Giants, was drawing. 
3. Kelly shares how she thinks the family could benefit from and how they could use the house that Ruth built to play and learn besides just reading the story.

Tweetable Quotes

• “We love baseball, but you got to hate somebody, whoever you are playing against. I guess that's the way it goes.” - Kelly
• “Anybody can play baseball. It's easy to get. All you need is a ball and a bat, and you can start playing baseball.” - Kelly
• In Kelley’s book, there are sidebars that have facts of baseball historically. You can bring together your intergenerationally. Because kids today have no idea what the world was like 100 years ago.” – Kelly
• “Football is very controversial right now. You need a ball that's a certain shape you need to feel there's the plays are really much more set. Basketball, you need a hoop. Baseball, all you need is two people, or one person throw it up in the air they catch.” - Kelley
• “A lot of people think Babe Ruth was an orphan. He wasn't an orphan. However, when he was seven years old, his parents put him into a boy's school for incorrigible children, for orphans and some put there by the state. In his case, he was put there by his family.” - Kelly 

Resources Mentioned

• Pre-order now: https://www.familius.com/book/the-house-that-ruth-built/
• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• https://www.kellybennett.com/
• Podcast Editing

Life-Changing Storytelling with Eileen the Storyteller

On today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manley talks with Eileen, who is also known as Eileen the Storyteller. She will be talking about her beautiful work on YouTub. As an expert, Eileen will be sharing about the time she spends with children, and feedback she gets from parents about life-changing results from her storytelling.

Episode Highlights

• 1.28: Eileen is going to open up about all of life's vicissitudes and give feelings a language and strategies for moving forward because it's not always about happily ever after. It's also about the grit and the resilience and the oath that it takes to power through the not-so-happily-ever-after moments.
• 3.13: The power of messages that we hear from parents and educators get reflected in us and that really puts the fuel in our tank, and we feel very much like we are on a mission to bring something to kids that they need, says Eileen.
• 4.05 Eileen reads picture books for children, and she does it with her cast of puppet characters. The kids see themselves in these puppet kids and it adds the element of further deeper connection.
• 06.36: We could all learn a lot from reading more children's books, like how to play nice. And it's deep, It's not childlike. It's complex. 
• 08.23: Eileen loves helping families be happy through talking to really brilliant creative people like Carla who have found a way, especially with parents being so busy.
• 12.14: Eileen talks about the color and energy of the imagination that she helps foster in children's lives.
• 13.02: Being kind is not for the weak. It takes a lot of courage. To have a big open heart and to be kind and to be loving because they may not feel like it sometimes to the same scary. But we have to fight our fears when we know that we are able.
• 17.30: Eileen shares how children tend to gravitate toward what their psyche needs.
• 19.27: Funny is Eileen's absolute favorite thing, followed closely behind by magical books that do things that you don't expect.
• 21.49: Storytelling is as old as humanity, and that's what unites us to one another, to past generations, to the future, to ourselves, and to each other. That's the window for everything. 

3 Key Points

1. Eileen shares how she picks and selects children's books for reading. How over the last eight years Eileen and her husband have really gotten to know what children respond to?
2. Eileen shares some instances where her storytelling has positively impacted people's lives. 
3. Eileen talks about her inspiration to start her own channel.

Tweetable Quotes

• "I bring the books to life in a very theatrical way because the drama of life does connect and is contained in all children's books. You can see all the world's truths are in them." - Eileen 
• "I always make sure that whatever we read is super fun and funny. And I do seek out books that have zero nutritional value but just enjoyable, fun, repairing time to make sure that the love of reading is just brewing." - Eileen 
• "We do need to keep things magical. I don't think we should ever lose that." - Eileen
• "The more I delve deep into being a storyteller, the more I live in that world and the more comfortable I am being an adult who is completely open-hearted and fearless." – Eileen
• "Life is hard whether the kid is in a perfectly adjusted, beautiful home or a wreckage of a situation." - Eileen

 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families Be Happy Podcast Apple
• https://www.youtube.com/@KidTimeStoryTime
• Podcast Editing

 

Conversations about Conservation with June Smalls

On today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manley talks to June Smalls. She will be talking about her upcoming book, "Hear Them Roar: 14 endangered animals from around the world". June shares how we do so many things naturally and can do more of them that mimic the animal world which would be really good for us. 

Episode Highlights

• 2.02: June talks about her love for reading and writing books at an early age. She got serious about sharing her work with the world back in 2013. That is when she joined the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators and started looking for critique groups. 
• 3.11: June talks about the book written by her - She Leads, that's part of a series. Then there is - He Leads which is about the mountain gorilla and then the follow-up book that will be out in the fall - They lead, which is about the Gray Wolf Pack. So, we have different leaders and different family structures throughout the animal kingdom.
• 05.14: June talks about her upcoming book and the research that she did and all challenges she faced. 
• 07.15: June makes the sound of a baby rhinoceros. She shares how they make they make little, tiny sounds that should be coming out of a much smaller animal.
• 08.15: June and Carla talk about poaching and how rhinos are endangered because of it. 
• 10.16: The best thing when we look at animal families is that we see that there is no one way to be a perfect family. And there are some animals that are solitary that are only with their parents for the first couple of years when they're growing and then they are solitary.  
• 12.18: June shares how as a family, there are so many different ways to be a family and to help each other.
• 13.19: As per Carla, we often forget in today's busy world, the importance of playing together. 
• 16.46: Childhood and families, sometimes they are messy, sometimes it's not always perfect, says June. 
• 17.21: June shares how reading a book together is a way to bond and a way to open and spark conversations. 
• 19.51: The good thing about nonfiction animal books, is we are going to mention that there is birth, which is beautiful, and there is death, which is hard, and there are struggles those animals don't always eat every day, and sometimes that can open a conversation about different animals. 
• 22.56: June talks about flying foxes and how they are endangered. They are megabats, but they are so important because they are just like butterflies and honeybees because they pollinate, they eat fruits, and they eat the nectar out of the flowers. 

3 Key Points

1. June explains how she sees books about families, animal families, extinct animals, and all of that as a package. How can the book make families happier? How does this impact families?
2. There is the capacity for us to not only see different ways of doing things through the animal world but realizing we can incorporate those into our own lives in beneficial ways because sometimes it does take more than a single mom or a mom and dad or a single dad to raise a child.
3. June shares some of the key lessons that she can offer to her listeners about the importance of reading for family, togetherness, family happiness, and having parent, child caregiver, and child reading together.

Tweetable Quotes

• "Some animals are so rare that even though we have had them in captivity, we don't have any recorded sounds for them." - June 
• "There are so many elements when we look at the animal world where they are working together while being part of a family, and it sounds like that makes these animals much happier." - Carla 
• "I would rather help support a child to be a B student who is happy and well-rounded than an A student who is stressed and anxious and unhappy." - June 
• "If you are afraid of bats, look up the flying fox eating a banana, then you will never be afraid of bats again." - June

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• https://junesmalls.com/
• Podcast Editing

 

Storytime as Community with Peter Limata

On today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manley, talks with Peter Limata, who will be talking about story time. Peter discusses what happens in story time with Mr. Limata, and why is it so important? During story time, the whole idea is just to connect with books, introduce students and parents alike. The books that they are reading are not only for funny laughs, but they are books that deal with serious issues. 

Episode Highlights

• 1.30: Peter has taught first grade students the longest. He has also taught 2nd and 4th grade students. He then worked with after school programs at the first two years, after that moved to the US.
• 03.00: Peter explains how family-oriented country Zambia is. He shares instances, experiences and quotes that best describes Zambia. 
• 04.30: As per Peter, in US you become independent at an earlier age. There is more output and opportunities for employment and earning a living on your own. 
• 06.21: As per Dr. Carla, Zambia is doing a very good job of really creating a sense of family no matter where you are. 
• 7.56: Peter shares how he gets his inspiration from his mom who was an educator. 
• 9.44: Peter explains how being an administrator, allows you to see the bigger picture. He says that the people in the classrooms, the people that are working with the children, we need their input we need their voices, and we can't just be as administrators or as people.
• 11.40: Peter has live experience of the classroom, so he brings all of that to the administration or somebody who has only ever been administrator may not have that vantage point, says Carla. 
• 13.48: Peter shares how he enjoyed narrating stories to kids and what led him to launch story time in Facebook and YouTube. 
• 17.47: Carla mentions the beauties of picture books. She says the words can be used or they cannot be used, and you can create your own story and then talk. 
• 20.05: Peter shares how he has received positive feedback from families and how story time has helped people during the pandemic.
• 24.42: As adults engage in a true, genuine apology not only are we looking at the child and modeling for them, but children watch as we apologize to other adults. And so, a true genuine apology also offers us the room to grow and do it differently to move forward, says Carla.
• 26.21: When we are gentle, we can never underestimate the power for children and adults to be gentle. We can say almost anything no matter how pointed a message that it needs to be. But we can say it with kindness and gentleness, says Carla.
• 28.30: Let kids be kids, many times we try to have kids see the world through our lens, says Peter.

3 Key Points

1. Peter talks about his experience as an educator and administrator. He shares how the two are different. 
2. Peter talks about story time and how he makes or help families be happy through the power of story. 
3. Storytime is meant to support reading for kids and of course families reading together but also helping them have those conversations, says Peter. 

Tweetable Quotes

• “Today it's on your friend, tomorrow it's on you and usually it refers to something that is, some of your friend is struggling, don't laugh at them help them because you never know when your time comes on.” – Peter Limata
• “I am in this role because of the influences that I had from my mom who was an educator.” - Peter Limata
• “Decision makers make decisions in a vacuum. We need to bring in the people we need. And that's what has helped me just leaving the class last year and being an administrator now.” - Peter Limata
• “When I started storytime, I started it looking for a way to connect with my kids.” -  Peter Limata
• “I really have embraced it in, in a way that I never would have imagined. But it came about because as I was putting out content for story time, how do I reach more people, more kids, and so my idea was just to put out stuff. And then I started thinking, well, I have these events page on my Facebook that I will put up, but then I needed a way of highlighting those telling people what's coming next.” - Peter Limata
• “Apologies are a gift, so some people definitely steer clear of them, but I see them as a real bonus to everyone.” - Carla 
• “You can wire your brain whatever way you want to wire your brain. It can become part of who you are.” - Carla

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Peter: Instagram | Website 
• Podcast Editing

 

Boundaries and Consent for Kids with Christine Babinec

On today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, talks with Christine Babinec, who will be talking about her new book “Want a Hug? Consent and Boundaries for Kids”. Christine shares her views on when a boundary crossing has occurred. She answers the questions: How do we help a child? How do we empower them to come forward without shame, embarrassment, and guilt no matter how minor or major that boundary crossing is?

Episode Highlights

• 1.20: Christine’s practice is about combining prevention work and treatment within a social justice scope, and she is trying to figure out how can we prevent abuse and harm from happening in the world. How can we effectively treat it and make sure that we are bringing marginalized people and hearing the voices of the people who have been hurt?
• 4.55: As adults, sometimes we see a child and know the child needs an answer and sometimes the answer or explanation becomes very cerebral and wordy. But the children's books can be so perfect in giving us the simple, concise language that children can understand and process, says Carla. 
• 9.57: When you see your child not want to be hugged just have a lighthearted general conversation to get a beat and a read on what your kid is comfortable with in general because a lot of times we assume kids are soft and cuddly, but some of them just aren't and they don't like to have that foisted on them.
• 11.13: We often don't talk to kids about how you can show kindness and love and generosity and affection without physical contact, says Christine.
• 12.21: Carla believes in talking to the relatives in advance saying. She is working on boundaries at home. So, if the little one is showing signs of having strong boundaries, please applaud them and respect that they're learning how to take that with them through life.
• 14.49: Christine also encourages grown-ups to not apologize when their child doesn't want to give a hug or cuddle because this may communicate to the child that they might have done something wrong, or it gives them a mixed message.
• 17.28: One of the things that Christine have made addressed in the book is that a lot of kids are very afraid that they are going to get in trouble because that's what perpetrators do when they convince the child that they have done something wrong.
• 19.40: Sometimes it's later that you realize, that happened and that shouldn't have happened or didn't feel right and then children and adults tend to feel guilty for not having stopped it right then and there, says Carla. 
• 21.14: There could be a power differential even between a much larger child and a much smaller child in the same grade, Christine.
• 23.20: In slippery slopes, there is not a clear demarcation of when the hug turned into something that was much more inappropriate. Christine shares her views on how she would coach parents to help themselves or maybe forgive themselves and help them explain to their child.
• 24.40: We want to live in a world where we teach our kids that they are grown-ups and that they can trust, and that the world is a safe place. But then we also have to talk to them about certain realities.
• 27.34: Your instinct could be crystal clear on a lot of different things. But when you have complex emotions and complex relationships involved, this is where Christine worries that people will blame themselves that she should have had an instinct.
• 28.56: If your instinct comes up, pay attention to it and notice it. If you override your instinct or didn't get an instinct on and something happens, never blame yourself.
• 30.27: Christine’s book is to set the foundation for healthy boundaries, learning about consent in naturalistic, developmentally appropriate ways that are fun and engaging and stuff that child is already doing now.

3 Key Points

1. When we have conversations with kids and the material is approachable everything changes. It sets the foundation to have more complicated conversations later, and it opens the developmentally appropriate ways for them, says Christine.
2. We want to empower kids to say no, but we have to remember kids are not responsible for protecting themselves, says Christine.
3. Silence is not consent. Persuasion is not consent. Consent is only present when it's freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific, says Christine.

Tweetable Quotes

• “We do all great work to set the foundation for consent and boundaries, and then we don't explicitly talk about it in terms of bodies and relationships.” – Christine
• “The developmentally appropriate way is so critical because if we are either speaking beneath the child's level or over a child's level, we're missing an opportunity for attunement.” - Carla
• “Consent and boundaries are the foundations of all healthy relationships is my favorite line. But upon reflection, my favorite line from the book is, it's not my fault.” – Christine
• “70s and 80s were all about stranger danger because we don't like to think about the fact that often when abuse happens, it's from someone we know.” – Christine

 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• https://www.christinebabineclpc.com/
• Podcast Editing