From Tears to Triumph: Supporting Anxious Children Through the Holidays with Michael Hempseed

On today's episode of the "Helping Families Be Happy" podcast, host Christopher Robbins, co-founder of Familius Publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California, talks to Michael Hempseed, Director of Frontiers of Hope, a specialist mental health service about how to help our children deal with anxiety and stress during the holidays. He is the co-author of the book “Calming Your Child: De-escalating Tantrums, Anxiety, Aggression, and Other Challenging Behaviors.”

 

Michael is also the author of “Being a True Hero: Understanding and Preventing Suicide in Your Community”. He has spoken to Frontera, New Zealand, Post fire and Emergency New Zealand and many others. Michael gained an honors degree in psychology from the University of Canterbury in 2008 and he has had the opportunity to speak at a TED event in 2016.

 

Episode Highlights

• 01:53: Michael discusses the increasing trend of very young children displaying heightened anxiety. Many are so anxious they cannot attend school.
• 02:37: Michael highlights the ripple effect of a child's anxiety on their family. He shares an anecdote of parents needing to take six months off work to care for their severely anxious child, underlining the significant impact on the entire family.
• 03:18: Christopher inquiries about the topic of sensory issues in children, as mentioned in the book "Calming Your Child". He seeks clarity on what sensory issues entail and emphasizes the importance of understanding and recognizing them in children.
• 04:10: Michael emphasizes that sensory issues aren't limited to just sounds but affect all senses. He shares statistics from his mental health service, noting a significant number of individuals with moderate to severe sensory issues, especially among young children.
• 05:02: Christopher emphasizes the intensity of her daughter’s discomfort, using the word "excruciating" to describe her experience. He notes the challenge it poses for her to stay calm given her heightened perception of sound.
• 06:42: Michael stresses that children don't act out without a reason, but rather are dealing with overwhelming emotions they can't express properly and this overwhelming feeling in children can manifest as aggressive behaviours like punching or yelling.
• 07:51: Christopher introduces the idea of perspective and how individuals perceive the world differently. He emphasizes that when people, especially children, act out, it's a form of communication.
• 08:28: Michael discusses the challenge of sensory issues. Many who experience them believe it's a normal part of life since they've always felt that way. He stresses the importance of patience and effort in understanding and working through these challenges.
• 08:55: Christopher queries why upcoming holiday season time of the year can be particularly stressful for families, especially those with children.
• 09:21: Michael addresses interpersonal stress, particularly when families gather, mentioning scenarios where certain relatives may not get along.
• 10:10: Christopher discusses the importance of finding ways to make the holidays less stressful and seeks professional advice and tips on managing holiday stress.
• 11:20: Michael talks about how volunteering can help young people gain perspective and feel a sense of purpose. He suggests taking children to visit the elderly. He also provides guidance on how to initiate conversation, emphasizing the mutual benefits.
• 12:26: Michael discusses the importance of sleep, mentioning it is a long chapter in his book. He talks about the negative effects of sleep deprivation. He relates sleep deprivation to mood and behaviour in both adults and children.
• 14:10: Michael highlights that not every sign of stress or behavioural issue necessitates counselling. Encourages trying alternative solutions like volunteering before resorting to counselling.
• 15:39: Michael notes that if a child's behaviour is affecting the family's lifestyle, like avoiding social events, it might be time to seek help. He emphasizes the importance of observing not just the intensity but the recurrence of problematic behaviours.
• 16:05: Christopher poses a question about when to consider professional help and seeks advice for parents to help their children in the upcoming year.
• 17:15: Michael discusses the benefits of free play for children. He mentions that it helps children develop problem-solving skills and improve social interaction.
• 18:42: Michael differentiates between forcing someone to practice an instrument and allowing them to enjoy it. He shares a study about Nobel Prize winners in the sciences having artistic and musical hobbies. Points out the value of art and music in enhancing cognitive abilities.
• 19:07: Christopher shares his belief that adults are usually grateful for having learned an instrument and often regret if they quit playing.
• 19:24: Michael discusses studies that indicate a surge in the amount of homework kids have today. He mentions the overburdening of young children and the need to reintroduce the concept of fun in learning.
• 20:10: Christopher shares a possibly apocryphal story from World War 2 about Winston Churchill emphasizing the importance of art even in dire times.

 

3 Key Points

1. Michael discusses the increasing trend of very young children displaying heightened anxiety, with many being so anxious they cannot attend school.
2. Christopher speaks about the intensity of his daughter's discomfort due to sensory issues, highlighting that many behavioral problems are reactions from individuals feeling overwhelmed by sensory stimuli rather than intentional acts of rebellion.
3. Michael emphasizes the significance of sleep, discussing its impact on mood and behavior in both adults and children, and relates sleep deprivation to various negative effects.

 

Tweetable Quotes

• “Merely living in the era of COVID has deeply impacted individuals regardless of personal sentiments.” - Michael
• “Many behavioral problems aren't intentional acts of rebellion but are reactions from individuals feeling overwhelmed and distressed by sensory stimuli.” - Michael
• "Children don't act out without a reason, but rather are dealing with overwhelming emotions they can't express properly." - Michael
• "Not every sign of stress or behavioral issue necessitates counseling. Encourages trying alternative solutions like volunteering before resorting to counseling." - Michael

 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families Be Happy Podcast Apple
• Podcast Editing