Helping Children Through Tragedy with Dr. Carla Marie Manly

In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California talks with guest Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County.

They discuss a challenging subject for all parents, i.e. how to deal with the anger, fear, sadness, and other associated issues involving Texas School Shooting, and other tragedies that families are witnessing and experiencing.

Episode Highlights

 

• 01:44 – Christopher enquires from Dr. Carla that there are parents who are dealing with anger, fear, and sadness in the wake of the many recent shootings. 
• 03:37 - Dr. Carla says, parents, work on their feelings so they’re not overwhelming their children with unprocessed emotions.
• 06:05 – Dr. Carla states, don't pressure the child, create the opportunity to talk.
• 08:07 - If you have a child who wants a lot of space, pay attention that the child is safe in their safe space, mentions Dr. Carla
• 10:15 - The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance.
• 12:45 - It's okay as a parent, and caregiver that let me check in with a therapist on that or let me go Google it, says Dr. Carla
• 14:02 – Christopher asks Dr. Carla, how can she help us as parents, as to, what we need to do?
• 16:50 - We need to use our resources, internal and external, to work on being able to care for ourselves so that we can be the rock for our little ones or big ones. 
• 19:51 – Dr. Carla points out that we should allow ourselves and our children to express themselves in creative ways.
• 20:56 – Dr. Carla tells that when we see the dramatic type of news footage, then as adults we think about what's happening with the children.
• 22:52 – Christopher enquires, what do we say when our children say why did this happen or why did that man do that?
• 26:40 – Dr. Carla explains how can we make our children safe.
• 30:32 – Christopher enquires if there are some resource books that Dr. Carla would recommend which might help parents deal with such situations.
• 32:22 – Dr. Carla says, there are definitely good books that talk about self-care on the Familius website.

Three Key Points

 

1. There are other resources for children, you don't have to be the only resource. You can pick up a book on trauma, a children's book, and read it to the child so that you don't have to know it all. Then maybe as you read, you're able to process some of what's going on for you.
2. Christopher mentions how we can make our children safe. We can really watch our communities, we can be a part of the schools and keep an eye on what's happening in the schools, volunteer in the schools, do mental health awareness campaigns in our school, get it on our radar, and depending on our child's level, on their radar. So, they feel safe and come to us.
3. It's important for parents to know that whatever they're feeling, the stress and strain and being pulled in two or three directions, what should they do, that's normal. Talk to someone about it, process it and then make the very best decision you can for your situation and move forward.

Tweetable Quotes

 

• “Process your experience, so that anything you're not processing does not leak out onto your child.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Be available to talk, don't force a talk, but welcome and chat with your child.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Telling a child don't feel your feelings makes them feel criticized, makes them want to close down rather than allowing them to feel their feelings.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Sitting down and making eye contact is one of the best gifts you can give your child.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “The first step in being a parent and caregiver, you matter.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Your kids and you, need as much routine as consistency as possible.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “Q&A session is one of the ways we build awareness and connection.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “You can learn to be confident enough to say I don't know and that's okay.” – Christopher Robbins

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast  Apple
• Dr. Carla Marie Manly  Website LinkedIn Twitter   Instagram
• Podcast Editing