The C.A.S.T.L.E. Method with Donna Tetreault

In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Donna Tetreault. They discuss her new book “The CASTLE Method”, a life-changing, and relationship-changing book. This book helps in understanding all these concepts of self-parenting.

 

Episode Highlights

• 01:45 – Donna shares that she has been in this child area for a long time with a little bit of a stint in just general assignment reporting.
• 03:10 – Dr. Carla asks Donna, why compassion is important in a family?
• 05:00 – Dr. Carla enquires that how can we show compassion to the child?
• 07:50 - We need to have the acceptance of that child and who they are and not judge and not then turn that into something else that changes who this person is, says Donna.
• 09:37 – Dr. Carla highlights that when we remove that shaming vocabulary, the child is abler to prosper.
• 11:06 - We don't want to be doing the shaming because we don't learn when we shame, states Dr. Carla
• 13:35 – We need to log into emotional security. Donna doesn't think as parents we’re necessarily trained or taught how to provide emotional security to our children.
• 15:24 – Donna talks about SEL (Social Emotional Learning).
• 16:28 - It's about this emotional security that's built in early on and that also leads us to better mental health and well-being, says Donna.
• 17:38 - Trust is something that we have to build into ourselves as parents, and then also allow ourselves to trust our children, mentions Donna
• 19:10 – Donna says, if something comes up, trust what you're thinking and believing and then go to the education part of it and educate yourself on it.
• 20:05 - What happens when parents break the child's trust, or when the child breaks the parent’s trust? How do we handle that in ‘The CASTLE Method’? Dr. Carla enquires
• 22:24 - When we do something that takes the trust away from our child, we need to say we're sorry, highlights Donna.
• 25:00 – Donna says, she has to be curious and ask a lot of questions to find out the exact reason why something happening in the story or what's going on.
• 27:07 – We need to start teaching our kids self-love early on.
• 29:58 – Donna mentions they’re trying to hyper-focus on the ability to allow the child to be proud on his own.
• 31:42 – Another part of expectations is to promote positivity inside the family and the parents.
• 33: 33 - We can cultivate and create more joy but it's also okay for us to have times where joy isn't present, states Dr. Carla.
• 35:00 – Dr. Carla enquires about how can we use ‘The CASTLE Method’ to make families be happier?
• 39:52 - We are compassionate, and accepting, we are creating security, we create trust, and we have love and solid expectations. Expectations that are good, says Dr. Carla.
• 41:00 – Donna wants to teach young children that we need to be able to forgive our parents and understand and have compassion for them in where they were and how they were parenting.

Three Key Points

1. Donna shares that ‘The CASTLE Method’ is an acronym that's used as a metaphor to build the castle or the family of your dreams. Not the perfect family. But the best version of your unique family. And so, CASTLE stands for Compassion, Acceptance, Security, Trust, Love, Expectations, plus Education and all of these are foundational principles to build that sound foundation for your family.
2. Donna highlights - that acceptance is about accepting the individual, the child for who they are inside, who they are supposed to be in their lives and not trying to steer their lives, but allowing them to unfold as they should and following them on their path accepting their path.
3. Donna explains, that what she’s trying to do with her new Book ‘The CASTLE Method’ is, we're together, how are we going to grow each other together to build out the best mom and dad, the best kids, the best family, to the best of our ability, our unique family because no family looks the same. So, it's just about trying to get the family to be the best version of itself.

 

Tweetable Quotes

• “Empathy is being able to put yourself in somebody else's shoes, but compassion takes it a step further in that you are working to alleviate the suffering of another”. Donna Tetreault
• “When we have this compassionate mindset and we practice it, we're really bringing out the best in our family.” - Donna Tetreault
• “We need to accept a child for who they are in every way.” - Donna Tetreault
• “Acceptance is not only the antithesis of rejection, but it also means that we're not shaming and judging.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly 
• “Our brains don't learn when we're shamed.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly 
• “One strategy that I use throughout the book and inside of this security chapter is emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
• “We really need to practice this emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
• “If they don't have the empathy or compassion in their leadership, they won't be good leaders.” - Donna Tetreault
• “Don't ever do something for a child that he can do for himself.” - Donna Tetreault
• “I know my kid and I want to help my kid be the best version of himself. So, I'm going to trust him.” - Donna Tetreault
• “If you are a teacher, and you're not following what you're doing as a teacher, you're not going to have any buy-in with the child.” - Donna Tetreault
• “We teach our children self-esteem, and self-esteem is super important.” - Donna Tetreault
• “Self-responsibility also builds self-love.” - Donna Tetreault

 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter   Instagram
• Donna Tetreault: Website Instagram Facebook 
• Podcast Editing