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With help from guest authors, experts, and community and business leaders, the Familius Helping Families Be Happy podcast explores topics and issues that connect families to the nine habits of a happy family: love, play, learn, work, talk, heal, read, eat, and laugh together.
Episodes
Wednesday Aug 10, 2022
Wednesday Aug 10, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly (A practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California) talks with guest Owen Dara (A Filmmaker, Musician, Writer, and Comedian). Dara talks about how he uses his creative talent including many of them to help families to be happy. Also, he talks about how he dealt with depression for decades from the time he was a young child, till he was a teenager.
Episode Highlights
- 01:48 – Owen says, he has always been an artist, even though he didn't acknowledge it when he was growing up, because it wasn't something that was openly supported in his household as a profession.
- 03:57 - When Owen was six years old, they moved to Cork city.
- 05:00 – Owen explains how he came to the US.
- 07: 10 – Owen mentions that he has never regretted moving to the US.
- 10:08 – Owen says, he is prone to depression, and he can't just get depressed with everything else that he was doing. He tried other jobs, and he just thought he has to try to at least express this creativity whether it becomes a profession or not.
- 12:56 – Owen ended up working in the creative arts and got into a college in Australia. He studied for four years at Melbourne University.
- 14:09 - During the period when Owen was studying, he started doing stand-up comedy, and that opened up the professional world for him.
- 16:07 - Dr. Carla says about Owen that if he had taken a linear path of being a Dentist then how much more difficult it would be for him.
- 19:19 - If Owen had found his true calling there, possibly never would have left that place, and then he would have missed out on so many experiences, says Owen.
- 21:22 - People who don’t suffer from depression, are blessed in his opinion and lucky in many ways. They don't understand what depression is, states Owen.
- 23:41 – Owen says, it was recommended by a teacher of him or a Headmaster at a certain school to his mother that he should seek professional help.
- 25:03 – Owen’s mother said, thinking about what's best for him and his future to get on with it. He didn't know that until he was an adult and went through other bugs of depression and talked to his mother about it.
- 27:07 – Owen says, his Catholic education was maybe what brought him to that place.
- 30:27 – Owen says, being an entertainer helped a lot because being forced to get up in front of people, when he had professional engagements and express himself, helped get it out of him.
- 33:20 - When one suffers from depression, it’s a lifelong thing, one is never cured. One just learns to deal with it better as time goes on, says Owen.
- 34: 37 – Dr. Carla says there are still so many people who believe that depression is something to be gotten over that why don't you just be happy?
- 36:33 - Each time we go through a phase of depression, it can last up to maybe three or four months, says Owen.
- 38:00 - Sometimes depression comes out of nowhere and they suddenly start thinking we’re fine, states Owen.
- 40:46 – Owen states that he doesn't think his dad would mind him speaking about this because they're being so open and suffered terribly from depression.
- 43:30 - It feels better at the moment, then the next day it's back and the negative self-talk is back to self-soothing of that type is not the solution, says Dr. Carla.
- 45:34 – Owen says that he is probably mild manic depressive but controllable.
- 47:25 – Dr. Carla has so much respect for what Owen has shared. It is so much information and the heart he has imparted.
- 49:44 – Dr. Carla asks Owen to share a bit about filmmaking and how that gives him joy.
- 53:32 – Owen mentions that this comedy and his other films too, could be watched by families. There's nothing in there that somebody might be restricted.
- 55:58 – Owen shares, that they were all making a connection at that point, and he and Dr. Carla had never met but they connected to those comments.
- 57:24 – Being with that person in their pain at that moment and being present is the best thing that anybody can ever do, says Owen.
- 59:46 - It's the friends, it's the family, and it's the connection that is the most important.
- 62:30 – Owen says, during depression one’s face and whole being is so heavy. He described it to somebody one time as mercury in one’s veins.
- 66:04 -Dr. Carla states, that depression is a much-shortened space of what one lives with.
- 68:06 - Life is better each year because he understands it more, states Owen.
- 70:36 – Thankfully in this country, we are advanced enough in the medical field and in the mental health field enough to know that help is available, says Owen.
- 72:09 – Dr. Carla asks Dara to share two or three titbits that he'd like to give to our listeners today.
- 74:50 - We all have those commitments that we need to do, and we may not have that choice right now, says Owen.
- 76:43 – Owen has learned that setting those goals however small, is important to our sense of well-being and our sense of fulfillment and happiness.
- 78:20 – Owen mentions that he very quickly found that there is no joy in sharing the same material night after night.
- 80:06 – That moment made Owen understand why rich people say, wealth doesn't bring you happiness.
- 82:42 - When Owen was going through depression and he couldn't work, then one of his friends said he doesn’t have to achieve anything. He needs to congratulate himself for getting out of bed in the morning.
- 84:21 - Anything that gives us purpose is an achievement, states Owen.
- 86:58 - We're all playing our parts, to the degree at which we’re being guided by our desires, says Owen.
- 89:40 - All of us are in a situation that's not as good as what somebody else has, but better than what somebody else has, states Owen.
- 90:19 – Owen states that as long as it's bringing us fulfillment and we're moving forward that's what's important.
- 92:36 – Owen wrote his childhood, wild horses in Irish childhood and his journey growing up in Ireland, depression, and those challenges.
Three Key Points
- Owen says - the stigma that is in our society, and also the stigma that we carry ourselves as people who suffer from depression. The only way we're going to mitigate that is just to share and to say, look, we're people too.
- Dr. Carla highlights about Owen that it has gotten better year-by-year, not because he has ignored it, not because he has solved it over with substances, but because he faced it, he has paid attention to it and he learned through hard work, how to manage it.
- Dr. Carla shares - if one is suffering from depression, anxiety, mental health issues or not, they need to get in their way. They’re doing small things which can feel like a very big thing like getting out of bed, that’s good, that is right for them, that is a success for them. When we all contribute in our ways to the best that we can to that moment or that day, then we are going to do good things and wonderful things. We don't need to do great things, we can do small things with great love and when we do small things with great love, that is incredible, that is everything. Doing small things every day to the best of our ability that is living with love.
Tweetable Quotes
- “If I were to follow a different path, it would be intended with the path that I've chosen.” - Owen Dara
- “When it hit me as a teen. I thought that I would never ever get through it.” - Owen Dara
- “He said, if he gets help now if he gets psychiatric help, it will be on his permanent record.” - Owen Dara
- “Growing up in the Catholic Church, we are taught that suicide is the worst sin of all.” - Owen Dara
- “If you murder somebody, you can repent and find everything. If you take your own life, there's no repentance.” - Owen Dara
- “I went through another depression when I was working in London.” - Owen Dara
- “By the end of the show, not always but a lot of the times I would feel like Oh, my God, I'm cured.” - Owen Dara
- “One in four people suffer from a form of depression.” - Owen Dara
- “I certainly would not be as creative as I am without depression.” - Owen Dara
- “Depression is walking around with a 100-pound weight on your shoulders and not knowing why it's there and not being able to get it off.” – Dr. Carla Manly
- “I get a thrill from writing something that makes me laugh.” - Owen Dara
- “A great thing about being a writer is, you can guide the conversation.” - Owen Dara
- “It is a connection with other people that can help us through that.” - Owen Dara
- “The actual connection that I get with the people that I'm working on the set is, payment enough for the work.” - Owen Dara
- “Comedy has so many healing powers of its own.” - Dr. Carla Manly
- “The bouts of depression get shorter and less frequent as I get older. And I've learned to deal with it.” - Owen Dara
- “Anybody who's going through depression or any kind of challenge like that. Know that it's not forever.” - Owen Dara
- “There's always better choices than the worst choices.” - Owen Dara
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Donna Tetreault. They discuss her new book “The CASTLE Method”, a life-changing, and relationship-changing book. This book helps in understanding all these concepts of self-parenting.
Episode Highlights
- 01:45 – Donna shares that she has been in this child area for a long time with a little bit of a stint in just general assignment reporting.
- 03:10 – Dr. Carla asks Donna, why compassion is important in a family?
- 05:00 – Dr. Carla enquires that how can we show compassion to the child?
- 07:50 - We need to have the acceptance of that child and who they are and not judge and not then turn that into something else that changes who this person is, says Donna.
- 09:37 – Dr. Carla highlights that when we remove that shaming vocabulary, the child is abler to prosper.
- 11:06 - We don't want to be doing the shaming because we don't learn when we shame, states Dr. Carla
- 13:35 – We need to log into emotional security. Donna doesn't think as parents we’re necessarily trained or taught how to provide emotional security to our children.
- 15:24 – Donna talks about SEL (Social Emotional Learning).
- 16:28 - It's about this emotional security that's built in early on and that also leads us to better mental health and well-being, says Donna.
- 17:38 - Trust is something that we have to build into ourselves as parents, and then also allow ourselves to trust our children, mentions Donna
- 19:10 – Donna says, if something comes up, trust what you're thinking and believing and then go to the education part of it and educate yourself on it.
- 20:05 - What happens when parents break the child's trust, or when the child breaks the parent’s trust? How do we handle that in ‘The CASTLE Method’? Dr. Carla enquires
- 22:24 - When we do something that takes the trust away from our child, we need to say we're sorry, highlights Donna.
- 25:00 – Donna says, she has to be curious and ask a lot of questions to find out the exact reason why something happening in the story or what's going on.
- 27:07 – We need to start teaching our kids self-love early on.
- 29:58 – Donna mentions they’re trying to hyper-focus on the ability to allow the child to be proud on his own.
- 31:42 – Another part of expectations is to promote positivity inside the family and the parents.
- 33: 33 - We can cultivate and create more joy but it's also okay for us to have times where joy isn't present, states Dr. Carla.
- 35:00 – Dr. Carla enquires about how can we use ‘The CASTLE Method’ to make families be happier?
- 39:52 - We are compassionate, and accepting, we are creating security, we create trust, and we have love and solid expectations. Expectations that are good, says Dr. Carla.
- 41:00 – Donna wants to teach young children that we need to be able to forgive our parents and understand and have compassion for them in where they were and how they were parenting.
Three Key Points
- Donna shares that ‘The CASTLE Method’ is an acronym that's used as a metaphor to build the castle or the family of your dreams. Not the perfect family. But the best version of your unique family. And so, CASTLE stands for Compassion, Acceptance, Security, Trust, Love, Expectations, plus Education and all of these are foundational principles to build that sound foundation for your family.
- Donna highlights - that acceptance is about accepting the individual, the child for who they are inside, who they are supposed to be in their lives and not trying to steer their lives, but allowing them to unfold as they should and following them on their path accepting their path.
- Donna explains, that what she’s trying to do with her new Book ‘The CASTLE Method’ is, we're together, how are we going to grow each other together to build out the best mom and dad, the best kids, the best family, to the best of our ability, our unique family because no family looks the same. So, it's just about trying to get the family to be the best version of itself.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Empathy is being able to put yourself in somebody else's shoes, but compassion takes it a step further in that you are working to alleviate the suffering of another”. Donna Tetreault
- “When we have this compassionate mindset and we practice it, we're really bringing out the best in our family.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We need to accept a child for who they are in every way.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Acceptance is not only the antithesis of rejection, but it also means that we're not shaming and judging.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Our brains don't learn when we're shamed.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “One strategy that I use throughout the book and inside of this security chapter is emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We really need to practice this emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
- “If they don't have the empathy or compassion in their leadership, they won't be good leaders.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Don't ever do something for a child that he can do for himself.” - Donna Tetreault
- “I know my kid and I want to help my kid be the best version of himself. So, I'm going to trust him.” - Donna Tetreault
- “If you are a teacher, and you're not following what you're doing as a teacher, you're not going to have any buy-in with the child.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We teach our children self-esteem, and self-esteem is super important.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Self-responsibility also builds self-love.” - Donna Tetreault
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Donna Tetreault: Website Instagram Facebook
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jul 13, 2022
Wednesday Jul 13, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Mifflin Lowe (Writer and Musician) about his book – ‘The Cuddle Book’, the power of Cuddling. He says it's about cuddling and he’d like to call this year -the year of the cuddle.
Episode Highlights
- 01:40 – ‘The Cuddle Book’ is good for kids up to the age of five, says Mifflin.
- 04:00 – Mifflin tells about a poem that he has written to the publisher - Familius.
- 06:00 – Dr. Carla says that the power of a hug or a cuddle is worth a million words.
- 08:10 – Dr. Carla tells Mifflin, “You are the musician, you are the singer, and you are the author so there's nothing to compare with you.”
- 11:30 – It’s the truth that for all of us no matter our age, when life feels tough and rough, the cuddles are truly magical. It feels so soothing and comforting to the body, mind, and spirit right before kids go to sleep.
- 13:50 – Mifflin talks about how this book brings families together making them happier.
- 16:10 - As a writer, there's nothing better than having kids react to your work and one of the greatest things that I've always enjoyed about being a writer and a musician for children is seeing them draw pictures.
- 19:05 – Dr. Carla thinks that the books like ‘The Cuddle Book’ can help families be more joyful, more connected, happier, and more positive in the long run.
- 21:30 - Mifflin mentions that if you ever want to take a picture of you and your children cuddling then send it to his email and they will share it with the rest of the world.
Three Key Points
- ‘The Cuddle Book’ brings up these pieces in this world today where so many people are feeling alone and isolated, and COVID has kept us a little bit more in hibernation mode. It is important to remember that our need for contact or cuddles is such a primitive instinct that makes us feel better emotionally, mentally, and physically.
- The hug, feel and warmth relax kids, it makes them feel happy and composed. Bedtime books are a big deal, it soothes and relaxes kids and helps them go to sleep. They go to sleep in the arms of love. It just sets the stage for then waking up feeling absolutely rest rested at peace and excited for the next day.
- Mifflin’s book can inspire parents to help their children interact with the book. Not only can they listen to or read it, but also they can interact with it. By then making their poems or their drawings. The power of a story like this is to inspire creativity and healthy interactions.
Tweetable Quotes
- “That was like a grand slam for me because that's the most fulfilling thing an author can hope for.” - Mifflin Lowe
- “I want to read one little piece of your book, it's just it's so yummy.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I'm trying to get the kid to like, get into what's good about cuddling and what they feel when they do.” - Mifflin Lowe
- “I would love it if you would share as much of it as you'd like to.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I think it's a great thing to establish the habit of reading a book right away with the child as they understand the importance of togetherness, and embrace it.” - Mifflin Lowe
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Mifflin Lowe Website Email
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jul 06, 2022
Wednesday Jul 06, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based chats with guests Dame Sue Bagshaw and Michael Hempseed. They discuss their book ‘Calming Your Child: De-escalating tantrums, anxiety, aggression, and other challenging behaviors.
Episode Highlights
- 01:12 – Dr. Carla asks Dame Sue how does one earn the title of Dame?
- 03:04 – Dr. Carla mentions that this book is a handful for a lot of parents and caregivers out there who are looking at their children and saying “Oh, my goodness, what do I do, or how do I call my child?
- 04:16 – Dr. Carla enquires, when Mom walks into the store, little Billy starts having an intense tantrum right there at the store, what’s a mom to do rather than pick him up and run back out to the car?
- 06:17 – Michael says, we need to look a little deeper at what's causing this behavior.
- 08:07 – People can also have the opposite where they don't perceive so much information, we call it ‘Under Sensitivity’. A lot of these children tend to be quite clumsy.
- 10:00 – Dame says it's probably more to do with how the brain processes the information that's coming in from the ears or the eyes or the smell or the bits of skin.
- 12:39 – Dr. Carla highlights, that we look at things like school shootings, even if a child was not in that classroom, of course, they may ultimately have PTSD.
- 13:12 – Injury not only comes from verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse but also an experience of being terrified or the experience of being frightened, states Dame.
- 15:07 – Michael says, sometimes we underestimate the impact that children may have watching traumatic things on the news.
- 18:39 – Dr. Carla enquires from Dame, what are one or two practical tips that a parent could get in their hands and heart around?
- 20:15 – Dame states that anything that helps brain growth for children is important.
- 23:10 – What would he say about a parent who suspects that maybe a sensory issue is at work or would want to know more? Asks Dr. Carla.
- 25: 00 - It's about slowing down to find out what's going on underneath, rather than assuming that my child is a monster or my child is trying to get attention or my child is a drama queen, says Dr. Carla.
- 27:08 – Dr. Carla points out that our children, their brains need lots of sleep, but they're not getting very much sleep.
- 29:30 – Dame says, ensure that we have a bit of everything and not too much of anything.
- 31:05 – Dr. Carla imagines that food is a big part of an underestimated part of behavioral issues.
- 33:03 – Michael mentions that in the book, they offer approximately 40 or 50 different strategies because every child is different. But it's so important to know that there are things that can be done.
Three Key Points
- Michael shares the key in his book that is helping families be happy together - a lot of families are getting torn apart by children’s serious behavioral issues. We often know that having a child with behavioral difficulties can put severe stress on a marriage. Many children with behavioral issues don't sleep very well at night. They can wake up with nightmares, or they can wake up screaming. We know that when people are tired or when people are sleep deprived, that's when Healthy Families don't have fun.
- Dame shares the tips - the first is eating together is important. If one gets that habit right from the start when they're little and then keeps it going through teenage times that’s so helpful. The other tip is, if one has got more than one child, try and spend some time alone with each child. The number of bad behaviors that accrue from jealousy. Spending some individual time with each child is important.
- Michael highlights how parents can know more about sensory issues – they can go down a formal diagnosis route, but other times it's quite easy to pick up. If they see a child that's putting their hands over their ears around loud noises, that could be an indicator. Another really clear indicator is, that if children either hit against a wall or on a desk repeatedly, it's often a really good indicator that they've got sensory issues. So sometimes they don't necessarily need a formal diagnosis, and then once they are aware of that, they can start to make changes. It's recognizing what is going on and not just thinking this child's difficult for the sake of it.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I think with children, we must try and fit from their point of view.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “The way that we perceive the world is not the way that everyone else perceives the world.” - Michael Hempseed
- “People can also have the opposite where they don't perceive so much information, we call it as under sensitivity.” - Michael Hempseed
- Some children on the autism spectrum like their skin brushed with a hairbrush or special brushes because it feels very good and very soothing.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Teachers are reporting more students with sensory issues in the past, and in some cases, it could be a response from a pandemic.” - Michael Hempseed
- “Any person in any situation can experience PTSD if they feel overwhelmed, terrified, out of control by a stimulating event or overstimulating event.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Injuries are what is upsetting the brain processes.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “It's really important not to let children watch the news.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “It was found that the people that watched that repeatedly on TV reported higher levels of distress, and pain.” - Michael Hempseed
- “We sometimes forget that the brain soaks things in especially at night.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Families that eat together are happy.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “Just around the table together, even if it's only for 5 or 10 minutes every day.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “It's been discovered that core sleep is a significant risk for suicide.” - Michael Hempseed
- “Stay away from those sugary sodas and have some water.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
- Calming Your Child: Twitter Facebook Amazon
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Antonio Sacre, an American Author, Solo Performer, and Storyteller. Antonio speaks about his book ‘My Name is Cool’. This book is about what it is like to be in between two cultures and languages, and how do we celebrate and survive that. This book teaches children to be proud of their heritage and the things that make them different. This is inspired by Antonio’s personal history growing up as a Cuban-Irish-American.
Episode Highlights
- 01:00 – Antonio mentions, that his father comes from Cuba and his mom is an Irish American, so on his Cuban side of the family, they have all of these nicknames. He is called various names by different people.
- 04:12 – Antonio was in between two cultures and was never quite sure, how and where did he fit in there.
- 06:10 – One summer when Antonio was a kid, he went through every single novel and read them twice and from there began his deep love affair with books.
- 08:56 – We are those people who are in between cultures, languages, and parents, states Antonio.
- 10:20 – For years, Antonio has been making a living by telling stories to children in classrooms, libraries, and festivals.
- 12:02 – There are two women from the Familius group that are helping him with the book coming out next year and one of them is from Korea, and he wrote it specifically thinking of families who speak Spanish.
- 14:30 – This book tells us about what we do and how we do it when somebody is different from us.
- 16:10 - Antonio wants kids to go home and investigate, why they have that middle name? Why were they named after for whom with they named after?
- 18:34 - If you're embarrassed by your nickname and you don't want to share it, you don't have to, says Antonio.
- 23:02 – There's something fun in that other language, says Dr. Carla Marie Manly.
- 25:45 – Antonio has been working with teachers on a district level, how they can use the power of storytelling, and oral tradition to help their kids learn reading and writing.
- 28:00 – Parents should talk to their kids about who they know, there are 100 people in their family that their kids don't know about, mentions Antonio.
- 31:36 – Antonio is trying to remind parents of this simple thing that is just such a huge part of who we are as humans.
- 33:09 – Dr. Carla says she believes that so much healing takes place when we actively listen.
- 35:07 - These stories of our power or the power of our ancestors are fought can be formative, says Antonio.
- 37:50 – Talking with children about the hard things is helping them grow.
- 39:06 – We can't prepare our kids for every scenario, says Antonio
- 41:57 – Antonio suggests to all the parents who have adolescent kids that right now, they must be feeling like they have the worst kid in the world but they're not.
- 44:09 - If you're in trouble right now find a mentor, says the Antonio.
- 46:01 – Dr. Carla states that we all need mentors because if we don't have mentors, we struggle unnecessarily. Also, if we don't have mentors, we don't learn.
Three Key Points
- Antonio is the reader that then led to the writer and he is also that person who lives in that blended world of two cultures. So, he has that to offer.
- Antonio is writing for one specific audience member that little girl whose parent comes from Mexico and the other comes from Germany. And she's having the same thing he had. And then obviously, he hopes that it reaches the universal. There are a lot of kids who are going to feel different ways and he wants them to be proud of how they feel.
- We do want to protect our children and the little ones in our lives, but we also want them to know that they have the power to move forward in life despite the obstacles that come our way.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Years later, from all those years of reading and years of the journal, journal keeping, I now can say that I am a writer.” - Antonio Sacre
- “I want kids and families as they're reading that book out loud to be laughing for sure.’ – Antonio Sacre
- “There were kids who would make fun of my dad in a way that was funny.” – Antonio Sacre
- “It's very hard for someone who doesn't speak the language to be able to speak the language in a way that sounds good to the language speaker.” – Antonio Sacre
- “Well, tell me about you or tell me how I pronounce your name or how do you prefer to be addressed, right?” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I was named after my dad who was named after his dad who was named after his dad, so you can see it's the Cubans.” - Antonio Sacre
- “I'm named after a man I never met. I'll never meet who was my dad's best friend whom he never saw again.’ – Antonio Sacre
- “Well, it's cool, and we are all cool. Despite our differences because of our differences. If we take the time to slow down, we are all pretty darn cool people.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “You bring classrooms and assemblies the gift of laughter and heart and connection and understanding through the power of a name.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “If stories don't always have happy endings, we can use them as learning opportunities.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “One of the biggest gifts we can give as parents are to show you know here are the boundaries.’ - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “If we don't have mentors in our lives, then we stop evolving and transforming.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “A podcast can be a mentor, a best friend who has wisdom in an area could be a mentor somebody a co-worker or a partner.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Jun 22, 2022
Wednesday Jun 22, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robbins talks to Shaun Tomson, a former World Surfing Champion, who has been described as one of the greatest and most influential surfers of all time. Shaun is also a world-renowned leader, mentor, entrepreneur, environmentalist, and best-selling author. Today they’re going to explore principles of decimal living from his most recent book, The Surfer and The Sage.
Episode Highlights
- 02:20 – Christopher asks Shaun to tell a little bit about his background, how he got into surfing and the World Championships.
- 04:15 – Shaun talks about his father who was South Africa’s top swimmer and used to go to the Olympics. He became a world champion in many events around the world.
- 07:42 - There's a way to activate positive decision-making in this magic universe through the stroke of Science and Leadership, says Shaun.
- 10:02 - This book – ‘The Surfer and The Sage’ is a continuation of philosophy that addresses the eighteen relentless, breaking waves of life, from loss and aging to relationships and depression, and guides you to transformation.
- 12:30 – Christopher wonders and enquires that as a Surfer and as an Environmentalist what has the ocean taught Shaun.
- 15:50 - Shaun mentions that his parents have had so much impact on him that it has been a source of service, a source of inspiration, and it's been the way he became the world champion.
- 17:00 - What have you learned in writing the book that can help the family deal with the anxiety that perhaps some are experiencing today? Asks Christopher.
- 19:20 - This book is a common book that will take you through some of the stories and philosophical interpretations of the story.
- 21:20 – Christopher was so fascinated as he was reading about forgiveness, humility, and courage in the book. Every chapter amongst the 18 chapters is focused on life are opposites.
- 25:30 - Was there a moment in writing this book where you learned something you had an aha moment something you hadn't realized before? Enquires Christopher.
- 27:50 – Christopher states that he loves that quote by Gupta from the book – “Whatever you can believe you can begin. Boldness has genius, power, and magic so that it connects with anyone."
Three Key Points
- While everyone runs something different, we have defined this compulsion that we want to be better today than yesterday, and we want to be better tomorrow than we are today. The underline is, that we'll help others to be better which means to help others to be part of a wider community.
- ‘The Surfer and The Sage’ is not a list of rules to follow that guarantee success, health, or wealth, but rather a collection of advice from two guides who have traveled far and wide and suffered deeply, but still look forward to tomorrow with faith and hope.
- This is not just a book that talks about this concept of hope and this concept of optimism. This is a book that talks about faith, and darkness. It talks about forgiveness, but at the same time, it also talks about guilt. It talks about optimism, but it talks about pessimism as well. So we have to see these aspects in order to make a positive step forward.
Tweetable Quotes
- “My primary mission is to help the world be a better place by making lives better.” - Shaun Tomson
- “After I retired from the church, I ended up working for Sony which worked for Patagonia for a couple of years, that was a wonderful brand.” - Shaun Tomson
- “The ocean has taught me so much about the basic principles of life.” - Shaun Tomson
- “At the beginning of the book, you say this world is too often, too broken for too many.” - Christopher Robbins
- “So the principal words have been stress, anxiety, depression, and disconnection.” - Shaun Tomson
- “You have to face the bitter too in order to know the sweet” - Christopher Robbins
- “That's the whole point that Familias assisted families, be happy individuals, families, whatever type of family you have.” - Christopher Robbins
- “I started with a statement that words have the power to change our mindset, and our lives.” - Shaun Tomson
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Shaun Tomson Website Instagram Twitter LinkedIn
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jun 08, 2022
Wednesday Jun 08, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Pam Lobley who is talking with us about her book – ‘Why Can't We Just Play’.
Episode Highlights
- 01:15 – Pam is a writer, she started her career in sketch comedy, so everything she does or writes, she approaches it from a comedic standpoint.
- 03:35 – When Pam’s son was in fifth grade he said that he never had time to just play. Play for him was like having a friend over, goofing around in the backyard, making their own games, and going to a playground without any parents’ rules.
- 05:45 - Pam feels so lucky that she took the chance and slowed down, for me as a parent, it was the risk because I was doing something I wasn't sure was right.
- 07:20 - It's hard to be a parent and that was hard. Kids fought a lot like siblings and especially when they only had each other to play with, or it rained a lot.
- 09:15 – Dr. Carla asks if it is possible that this would only work for a stay-at-home mom?
- 11:05 - We're always comparing ourselves to other parents and we're always comparing our kids to other kids, which is so ridiculous, but it's very hard not to do.
- 13:00 – Dr. Carla enquires from Pam that for somebody who wants to be able to let their child play, other than the low expectations what are some key steps they can follow?
- 14:50 - There are times to step in when somebody's bullying, being super toxic, or anything like that. But other than that, that’s where we learn to negotiate.
- 17:20 – Pam says that the young kids instead of being on phone all the time, enjoy being loud and messy in the backyard or climbing all over the playground, or just pretending whatever they want with their friends.
- 19:10 - We often forget as parents, that kids as much as they might push back against structure and routine. As far as family rules go we need them for the kid’s sanity and for the parent’s mental health.
- 20:50 - Some people say minors need to play or my kids should be in academics. They're on the fast track to an Ivy League school who cares about play?
- 22:30 – We can learn great life lessons from watching our children play, and then sleep as they have no sleep issues.
- 24:00 – Pam suggests to the parents that they need to consider their children as they are. Parents shouldn’t be comparing their kids with others.
- 26:15 - Research shows us that happiness peaks when you get to that point of success when you have enough to pay your bills, or enough to have health insurance. After that, it can start dipping because external success is not as important as the beauty of internal success and the joys of big things like play.
- 28:20 - Pam thinks giving your child as much time to play will position them to be healthier and maybe better learners when they hit high school age.
- 30:30 – Young people today don't want to try in case they fail because they feel too much pressure to succeed all the time.
Three Key Points
- Pam says you can build in this type of autonomous, independent, and free play for your kids. For instance, let's say you do need to have a daycare or a camp for your child. Look for the one with the least amount of structure, the most amount of fun, and low expectations. The whole idea is that we're supposed to be improving our children all the time is so exhausting. So it's okay to just be Spider-Man all summer long. That's a perfectly acceptable thing for an eight-year-old.
- One of the steps parents can follow is to kids have an afternoon or several hours every week that is their own. The other step would be that when your child is playing with other children, resist the urge to step in and make it right because then the kids don't learn how to do it themselves, just pretend not to notice.
- A few experts see that play for children is the best education they can have. They've done so many tests about how free play, autonomous, and self-directed play increase their creativity, resilience, and ability to think things through self-awareness. It's different when kids are teenagers because that's different but for kids under 13, play is the best.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I got the idea for this book because I felt like there wasn't a way in our kids’ lives.” - Pam Lobley
- “That happened in the spring and I decided that we would have no summer activity.” - Pam Lobley
- “Over the summer before I realized I did the right thing.”
- “They did drive me crazy, I'm not going to lie.” - Pam Lobley
- “The book I tried to be is funny, so there are a lot of funny stories in the book.” - Pam Lobley
- “I have to say it is the first time in my life I have ever heard parents say set low expectations.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Social media makes it so much easier to get immersed in that world of what I call toxic comparison, yet that is the antithesis of healthy parenting.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “What about the kid who says I want to be on my phone all day?” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “If you want a hockey-achieving kid, it's probably the best thing that you could do for them at that age.” - Pam Lobley
- “I think it's really important to see to see your child for who they really are.” - Pam Lobley
- “The big learning lesson is to let the children play, let them learn and grow. Figure out their path as they're growing.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Failure is a fairly recent interpretation of the word and that it used to mean to simply arrive at a different destination.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “The book ‘Why Can't We Just Play’ is available wherever books are sold, it's in Audio Book and on the eBook format.” - Pam Lobley
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Pam Lobley: Website LinkedIn Instagram Facebook
- Podcast Editing
Tuesday Jun 07, 2022
Tuesday Jun 07, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robins, co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California talks with guest Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County.
They discuss a challenging subject for all parents, i.e. how to deal with the anger, fear, sadness, and other associated issues involving Texas School Shooting, and other tragedies that families are witnessing and experiencing.
Episode Highlights
- 01:44 – Christopher enquires from Dr. Carla that there are parents who are dealing with anger, fear, and sadness in the wake of the many recent shootings.
- 03:37 - Dr. Carla says, parents, work on their feelings so they’re not overwhelming their children with unprocessed emotions.
- 06:05 – Dr. Carla states, don't pressure the child, create the opportunity to talk.
- 08:07 - If you have a child who wants a lot of space, pay attention that the child is safe in their safe space, mentions Dr. Carla
- 10:15 - The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance.
- 12:45 - It's okay as a parent, and caregiver that let me check in with a therapist on that or let me go Google it, says Dr. Carla
- 14:02 – Christopher asks Dr. Carla, how can she help us as parents, as to, what we need to do?
- 16:50 - We need to use our resources, internal and external, to work on being able to care for ourselves so that we can be the rock for our little ones or big ones.
- 19:51 – Dr. Carla points out that we should allow ourselves and our children to express themselves in creative ways.
- 20:56 – Dr. Carla tells that when we see the dramatic type of news footage, then as adults we think about what's happening with the children.
- 22:52 – Christopher enquires, what do we say when our children say why did this happen or why did that man do that?
- 26:40 – Dr. Carla explains how can we make our children safe.
- 30:32 – Christopher enquires if there are some resource books that Dr. Carla would recommend which might help parents deal with such situations.
- 32:22 – Dr. Carla says, there are definitely good books that talk about self-care on the Familius website.
Three Key Points
- There are other resources for children, you don't have to be the only resource. You can pick up a book on trauma, a children's book, and read it to the child so that you don't have to know it all. Then maybe as you read, you're able to process some of what's going on for you.
- Christopher mentions how we can make our children safe. We can really watch our communities, we can be a part of the schools and keep an eye on what's happening in the schools, volunteer in the schools, do mental health awareness campaigns in our school, get it on our radar, and depending on our child's level, on their radar. So, they feel safe and come to us.
- It's important for parents to know that whatever they're feeling, the stress and strain and being pulled in two or three directions, what should they do, that's normal. Talk to someone about it, process it and then make the very best decision you can for your situation and move forward.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Process your experience, so that anything you're not processing does not leak out onto your child.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Be available to talk, don't force a talk, but welcome and chat with your child.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Telling a child don't feel your feelings makes them feel criticized, makes them want to close down rather than allowing them to feel their feelings.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Sitting down and making eye contact is one of the best gifts you can give your child.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “The first step in being a parent and caregiver, you matter.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Your kids and you, need as much routine as consistency as possible.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Q&A session is one of the ways we build awareness and connection.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “You can learn to be confident enough to say I don't know and that's okay.” – Christopher Robbins
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jun 01, 2022
Wednesday Jun 01, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Jessica Lancaster who shares about her work as an Actor, Social Media Guru, Producer, and Waitress.
Episode Highlights
- 01:38 – Jessica says, she waited tables now for 20 years and she doesn't actually need to do it financially anymore.
- 03:51 – It's important for people with phones to keep them away while they eat.
- 05:30 – Jessica wishes she could have had more family meals; so many wonderful things can happen around the dinner table.
- 07:10 – Dr. Carla asks Jessica about her life as an Instagram Goddess.
- 09:05 - Instagram is a great way to unite mothers. Those are the groups and communities of support and connection that can be found only through Instagram.
- 11:35 – If the post doesn't make sense of what they're doing or what they're trying to say, Jessica guides them to a better target market of quote selling.
- 13:30 – Jessica mentions that everybody is doing cool stuff like the artsy design but now what's working is just authentic feeling in the moment.
- 15:38 - It's important to shop local and support these women and these moms specifically as the money's going right into their children.
- 17:40 - The movie making and producing came out of necessity to play good roles, mentions Jessica.
- 19:43 – Jessica says, she grew up in an interesting family where her mom was married four times, and her dad was married three times.
- 21:00 – Jessica talks about what the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) means.
- 24:40 – Good acting is that they want something different than you want, and that's what makes the scene explode, says Jessica.
- 25:15 – Dr. Carla states, that as a parent, and partner you are seeing the other and you're responding to them whereas, in acting, you are reacting to create contrast.
- 27:50 - The scene has the contrast, but in life, one should get what they want.
- 29:38 – Jessica says, when there is a contrast, it's an easy solution.
- 31:25 - One piece of advice that sticks with Jessica is don't give up on having to be right.
- 33:18 – Jessica shares, that something shifted in her and she learned that it didn't feel good to be in an argument, and she’s not going to do that anymore.
- 34:50 – If you're looking for a good movie, Jessica has got movies like ‘The Holy Fail’, and ‘Choosing Signs’ on Amazon.
- 36:10 – Dr. Carla says, we need more films about love, comedy, and lightheartedness.
Three Key Points
- Dr. Carla Highlights - one of the things she loves about Familius Publishing is that they have a grassroots way of working where they honor moms, and families and are heavily focused on that. She’s a believer that the more we support our kids, the more we support our family, the family’s authenticity, genuineness, caring for the planet, and the happier we all are going to be in the long run.
- Children don't know enough to make life easy so the parents have to come in. Unfortunately for many people, they don't know how they weren't given lessons, they didn't have role models on how to be in a relationship. So, the work that is involved for people is getting to a place within themselves and their relationships.
- Dr. Carla mentions - it is about showing the world what it looks like to radiate love. Not radiate I am right, or I am better. You are bad, but to radiate love, because that's what Jessica does it's one of the things she specializes in naturally as she radiates love.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I tell people at my tables I'm like, if possible, please don't have your cell phones out.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “If you're talking and communicating, you're not just eating the food. You're enjoying the food.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “You'll go to someone's page and they have like 100,000 followers and 17 likes, that feels inauthentic to me.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “The more authentic you are, the more successful your page will be.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “There is less than 1% of SAG actors are making a living acting.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “The SAG makes sure that I get the residuals from that TV show I did or same with CSI or whatever.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “It sounds as if being a producer might not be or as an actor might not be as glamorous as people think there's a lot going on behind the scenes.” – Dr. Carla Carie Manly
- “TV and film would be very boring if everybody got a long period.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “People want to be seen and validated. So, the lesson of the day is to avoid the contrast in your relationships.” - Dr. Carla Carie Manly
- “I teach reflective listening, mirroring all of those things and being able to not engage in dichotomous thinking, where I'm right, you're wrong. - Dr. Carla Carie Manly
- “Just be good to one another.” - Jessica Lancaster
- “I think to me, that's the best kind of film is where the actors radiate love.” - Dr. Carla Carie Manly
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Jessica Lancaster: Instagram
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday May 25, 2022
Wednesday May 25, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Mary Potter Kenyon (A Certified Grief Educator, Public Speaker, and an Author) who talks about her book ‘Called to be Creative - A Guide to Reigniting Your Creativity’. Mary shares how creativity helps you and your families to be happy.
Episode Highlights
- 02:50 – Dr. Carla asks Mary about her former work, and what she has been doing before she moved to this segment of writing a book – ‘Called to be Creative’.
- 05:00 – Mary talks about her book ‘Mary and Me’ which was about a friendship fuelled by 30 years of handwritten letters.
- 06:40 – Mary says even though she grew up in poverty, her mom was the person that she saw was making their poverty-stricken house a home.
- 09:00 – Mary also interviewed various people that she saw as creative, like a yoga teacher, a painter, etc.
- 12:00 - One of the studies that fascinated Mary was how adulthood takes a creative genius right out of us.
- 13:05 - What would you say is the reason there's that incredible drop-off in creativity? Asks Dr. Carla.
- 15:11 – Dr. Carla asks about a few pointers on how readers can bring creativity into their lives, the lives of their children, and the lives of their partners.
- 16:57 – Mary recommends to start making a list of those things that you love doing, and then making a list of things that you would do if time or money was no hindrance to you.
- 20:00 - One of the things Mary did to reflect the value of learning together was to start a creativity group at her local library, get together, and just try something different every month. She says her book is built to do that.
- 22:00 - Science shows that if you are being creative and using your natural creativity, you are going to the doctor less, there's less anxiety and there is less stress.
- 25:35 - When we find that passion, and you can hear it in other people's voices pointed out that they would love to see you doing this more because you just come alive when you're doing that.
- 27:-35 - Give yourself once a month date to check off the list of those things because if your grand pull yourself into too many directions and think well I started trade is a fair trade, you can feel overwhelmed.
Three Key Points
- Mary thinks we all have it in us to be creative. What happens to that very creative little child, that we become an adult who can't fit creativity into their lives? So there's a little bit of science in the book - ‘Called to be Creative’ as Mary delved into the research and discovered that science is behind it, that we are designed to be creative.
- Creativity can be what you are born with the gift, you might not think of as creativity it could be that you have a natural knack for relating to children or you have this empathy that you are a good listener that can be you can use that creatively in your job and life. A lot of people rediscovered their natural creativity during the beginning of the pandemic, doing something that they hadn't done for years like playing games with their children or getting outside and coloring with chalk on the sidewalks.
- The main point of Mary’s book is to play. Put some play into your life as an adult. Allow yourself the time for creativity. Don't look at it as something that you have to save for leisure time, or you're going to be waiting a long time because there's not a lot of leisure time built into our busy lives. We have to have that in our lives as adults.
Tweetable Quotes
- “It would be a very sad state of affairs if grief was the only source of your creativity.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “So, that very first inkling that I might be writing about creativity was planted in 2011.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
- “I caught on to creativity in the form of writing all those years.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
- “There's a little bit of science in –‘Called to be Creative.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
- “So, with that background, tell me a little bit about some of the science.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “The world is telling us that creativity doesn't make you money.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
- “First of all, we have to stop thinking of creativity as something that is chosen for you.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
- “Another thing that we have to do is look for childhood.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
- “Sometimes we need that energy of a tribe that kind of gets the creativity going energized.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Passion can ignite so many beautiful parts of the self.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I would say make a list and take you out on a date once a month. Give yourself 12 months to try these different things.” - Mary Potter Kenyon
Resources Mentioned