Helping Families Be Happy

How to Talk to Kids about Race and Racism - with Sheila Modir, Ph.D. and Jeff Kashou, LMFT

In today’s episode of “Helping Families be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate and Author based in Sonoma County, California. She talks to guests Dr. Sheila Modir (Pediatric Psychologist) and Dr. Jeff Kashou (Licensed Marriage & Family therapist in California). They both discuss about how to communicate with kids about color, race and racism. They also talk about their Book – ‘The Proudest Color’.

 

Episode Highlights

• 2:00 – Dr. Sheila says that she has specialized in trauma and understanding racial discrimination across different communities of color.
• 04:00 - Dr. Carla gives out a beautiful description of the book while asking both the guests about the narrative of their book. 
• 06:45 – Referring to one of her favorite pages from the book, Dr. Carla enquires more about emotional identification and emotional literacy.
• 09:25 - Children need to understand that they can have more than one emotion; multiple emotions in one moment can sometimes help explain an ambiguous situation, states Dr. Sheila.
• 11:40 – How does emotional literacy lead to emotional intelligence, asks Dr. Carla.
• 13:30 - A parent can very much understand what their child is going through, even if the child can't necessarily explain it sometimes.
• 15:45 – Dr. Jeff and Dr. Sheila didn't see a book that could speak to a brown child and hence they wanted to put a book out there that was accessible to a broad range of children.
• 18:00 - If you talk about diversity in a school curriculum, children of non-communities of color tend to recognize discrimination more, and tend to go to the teacher and say something about it.
• 20:00 - Children can readily relate to the character of the book and parents can utilize tools like open-ended questions to help build understanding in the child. 
• 22:05 – Dr. Carla points out that even though it is a children's book but she also sees it as a really wonderful learning tool for adults.
• 24:00 – There are numerous people of color who have gone on to do amazing things, whether it's just in a family and local community or school or on kind of a bigger global stage, says Dr. Jeff.
• 26:20 – Dr. Sheila and Dr. Jeff really hope that this is a book that families can learn together, talk together, heal together and understand together.
• 28:30 - Dr. Carla enquires if the resources that they offer at the end of the book will really help them find the most appropriate way to talk to the children at the right level.
• 30:20 – Dr. Jeff suggests few important takeaways for parents who want to help instill more resilience in their child.

Three Key Points

1. This book is a wonderful launching pad for children and adults to be able to learn to feel their emotions, name their emotions, and then express their emotions. Once you learn to describe and express your feelings in healthy ways, then you're able to use all of that insight to use your emotions to work for you to integrate the emotions and then use the emotions to work for you.
2. Dr. Sheila and Dr. Jeff have experienced varying levels of discrimination growing-up being Middle Eastern Americans in America, especially in a post 9/11 world where the level of discrimination increased tremendously towards this population. Now they both are trying to help create a children's book from their experiences.
3. They wanted to be very sensitive about writing a book like this however what helped them feel comfortable was not just their education and background, but also the research on themselves. They’ve included citations in the book and also on their website at the theproudestcolor.com. 

 

Tweetable Quotes

• “Jeff and I are actually happily married; we live together in Southern California.” – Dr. Sheila Modir
• “We enjoyed writing this book honestly.” - Dr. Sheila Modir
• “I'd like to read one of my favorite pages from the book, because you mentioned emotion identification, and emotional literacy.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “We wanted to write an authentic and honest book based on our experiences.” – Dr. Jeff Kashou
• “We want to ensure that that emotion literacy is a key component of this book.” - Dr. Sheila Modir
• “Once you kind of have the language, you know how to speak English, and then what do you do with that?” - Dr. Jeff Kashou
• “That was the other point why we wrote the book.” - Dr. Jeff Kashou
• “Books like this are so wonderful for beginning the conversation and allowing personal awareness.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “I do find books to be a magical tool in communicating messages.” - Dr. Sheila Modir
• “I really love that you mentioned the healing one because it's so important, isn't it?” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
• “The resources are really geared towards children age’s five to eight.” - Dr. Sheila Modir

 

Resources Mentioned

• Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
• Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
• The Proudest Color Website
• Dr. Sheila Modir Instagram
• Podcast Editing

 

WHAT ABOUT US with Karen Kleiman

Karen Kleiman joins host Dr. Carla Marie Manly to discuss What About Us: A New Parents Guide to Safeguarding Your Over-Anxious, Over-Extended, Sleep-Deprived Relationship, which will be available everywhere books are sold on 9/14/2021, and is available for pre-order now.

https://www.familius.com/book/what-about-us/

ABOUT THE BOOK:

"Karen Kleiman’s wisdom about not only taking care of the mother and her well-being, but also her partner and their whole system at large, helps us all stay connected to our partners and loved ones during a tumultuous, life-changing, and potentially relationship-taxing time. . . . God bless Karen for her support in helping us all integrate every relationship within our 'new normal' as parents. Her humor, experience, wisdom, and insight are like a port in the most heart-spinning of storms."
-Alanis Morissette

The demands of a new baby can test a couple’s relationship like nothing else! When we factor in sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, depression and anxiety, and different personalities, life with a newborn can feel a bit CRAZY. Couples tend to misinterpret this rough patch as a sign that something is wrong with the relationship, but when couples take steps toward open communication and safeguard their relationship, they can face everything new parenthood throws at them together. From the team behind the bestselling Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts comes a new guidebook of short essays, comics, and quick journal prompts about the stressful newborn stage, the struggles that so many new parents face, and the skills you need to tap into your strength as a couple.

ABOUT KAREN:

Karen Kleiman is a well-known international maternal mental-health expert with over thirty-five years of experience as a psychotherapist, teacher, and writer. As an advocate and author of several groundbreaking books on postpartum depression and anxiety, her pioneering work has influenced personal and professional populations within the perinatal mental health community for decades. In 1988, Karen founded The Postpartum Stress Center, a treatment and training facility for prenatal and postpartum depression/anxiety disorders where she treats individuals and couples.

ABOUT Illustrator Molly McIntyre:

Molly McIntyre is an artist, illustrator, and animator living in Brooklyn, New York, with her family. Her work has been featured in the upcoming Netflix series Worn Stories, the book Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts (Karen Kleiman, Familius), Bitch magazine, Everyday Feminism, Scary Mommy, and Psychology Today, and shown in exhibitions throughout the US and in Japan. 

 

ROOKIE FATHER with Author Kendall Smith

Author Kendall Smith of the upcoming Rookie Father: A Playbook for Men Experiencing Fatherhood for the First Time joins host Dr. Carla Marie Manly to discuss his book, which is available for pre-order now and publishes January 2022.

https://www.familius.com/book/rookie-father/

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Author Kendall Smith, son of a single mother, takes you under his wing, sharing the wisdom he has gathered from his own experience as a father, from observing other dads, and from interviewing various generations of men. This playbook for fathers who, like Smith, did not have a regular and dependable father figure is packed with short lessons to answer questions new dads will face, from choosing your parenting style to what it means to really be the “man of the house” (spoiler alert: it’s not the 1950s) to managing your expectations as your child grows into a unique person. With hilarious examples and a straightforward approach, Rookie Father is the mentor-in-a-book every new father needs to be the dad you want to be.

 

ABOUT KENDALL SMITH:

Kendall Smith is an author whose work includes self-help, fiction, and satire, and he’s a dedicated father and husband living in New Jersey. His core focus is fatherhood and providing relevant, pragmatic advice to new dads.  

THE PROUDEST COLOR with Illustrator Monica Mikai

Illustrator Monica Mikai joins host Dr. Carla Marie Manly to discuss her work on upcoming book The Proudest Color, written by Sheila Modir and Jeffrey Kashou. The Proudest Color officially publishes on September 14, 2021, and is available for pre-order now.

https://www.familius.com/book/the-proudest-color/

ABOUT THE BOOK:

For me, brown is more than feeling proud. 
It’s the color I see when I see me.

Zahra sees the world in vivid color. When she’s happy, she feels a razzle-dazzle pink in her hands. When she’s sad, she feels a deep blue behind her eyes. But she isn’t quite sure how to feel about the color of her skin. Kids at school tell her she is different, but her mother tells her to be proud! From a diverse team and based on extensive research, The Proudest Color is a timely, sensitive introduction to race, racism, and racial pride.
ABOUT MONICA:

Monica Mikai is an illustrator and former educator. She has an MFA from the New York Studio School where she studied painting and currently lives in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband and her two sons.

 

How the Birds Became Friends with Author Noa Baum and Illustrator Zev Labinger

Author Noa Baum and illustrator Zev Labinger join Carla Marie Manly, PhD, for a discussion about their book How the Birds Became Friends, which is available for pre-order now and will be available everywhere books are sold starting September 14, 2021.

https://www.familius.com/book/how-the-birds-became-friends/

About the book:
Long ago when the world was very young, the birds did not get along. 
They were always fighting about who was better.

Beaks pecking! Feathers flying! 
Squawks and screeches everywhere!

Little Quail feels lost in all the noise, but with each bird trying to outdo the others, Quail bravely takes an unexpected approach. In this delightful take on a Burmese folktale from award-winning storyteller Noa Baum and illustrated by renowned ecologist and artist Zev Labinger, watch the power of kindness change the world.

About Noa:

Noa Baum is an internationally acclaimed and award-winning storyteller and author. Born and raised in Jerusalem, she presents internationally to diverse audiences, from the World Bank and universities to schools, festivals, and congregations.

About Zev:

Zev is a visual artist, musician, and ecologist originally from the USA, but he has been living in Israel for the past 30 years. He became obsessed with nature and birds at age 11, and he has been studying and painting them ever since.

 

 

You Got This, Mama! with Elizabeth Swenson

Elizabeth Swenson, author of You Got This, Mama! joins host Carla Marie Manly, PhD to discuss the inspiration behind her book.

https://www.familius.com/book/you-got-this-mama/

ABOUT THE BOOK:

Being a mom is HARD—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The first few months (or let’s be real, 18 years) after bringing a new baby home can be tiring and messy. Mothers need encouragement, inspiration, and a good laugh. You Got This, Mama!: From Boobs to Blowouts, a Survival Guide for New Mothers is a visual guide to new motherhood with illustrated quotes, hilarious infographics, and encouraging thoughts to power new moms through another day. Real, honest, and beautifully designed, this is the guide for moms that we didn’t know we needed.

 

ABOUT ELIZABETH:

Liz Swenson lives in the sunny beach town of San Clemente, California, with her handsome hubs, three crazy kids, and big dog, Harper. She relishes momming, teaching math to high schoolers, making art, and living life to the fullest.    

 

Date Smart with Dr. Carla Marie Manly

Dr. Carla Marie Manly joins CEO and co-founder of Familius, Christopher Robbins, to discuss her new book, Date Smart.

https://www.familius.com/book/date-smart/

About the Book:

Sometimes we have HUGE expectations for the ideal relationship, but dating isn’t about being perfect or catching the perfect partner; it’s all about creating compassionate self-awareness and stronger self-esteem. A must-read for daters, this no-nonsense guide from clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, takes the guesswork out of dating with real-life examples, the latest research, and 33 vital mindset shifts designed to foster:

• empowered communication,
• strong, healthy boundaries,
• realistic, mindful expectations,
• increased red flag awareness,
• healthy dating dynamics, and more!

Self-discovery is key to healthy relationships. Your life will change when you discover how to date strong, date fearlessly, and date smart.

About Dr. Carla Marie Manly:

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing clinical psychologist, author, and speaker, uses a mindfulness-based approach that is rooted in neurobiology. Dr. Manly’s passion is helping others discover joy, balance, and optimal wellness from the inside out.

Everyone's Sleepy but the Baby with Tracy C. Gold

Author Tracy C. Gold joins host Carla Marie Manly, PhD, to discuss her board book Everyone's Sleepy but the Baby.

https://www.familius.com/book/everyones-sleepy-but-the-baby/

ABOUT THE BOOK:
After a long day, the whole family is ready to hit the hay . . . except for the baby. Why is it so hard to get the baby to sleep? With hilarious illustrations that might hit a little too close to home for new parents, Everyone’s Sleepy but the Baby is the perfect, true-to-life bedtime story that will help even the most reluctant sleeper wind down for bed.

ABOUT TRACY:

Tracy C. Gold is a writer, editor, and mom living in Baltimore, Maryland. Her work has been published in several magazines and anthologies. Tracy earned her MFA in creative writing and publishing arts at the University of Baltimore, and earned her BA in English from Duke University. 

 

BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends): A Girl's Guide to Happy Friendships with Jessica Speer

Author Jessica Speer joins host Dr. Carla Marie Manly for a conversation about her upcoming book, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends): A Girl's Guide to Happy Friendships. 

https://www.familius.com/book/bff-or-nrf-not-really-friends/

About the Book:

Friendships are tough to navigate, even for adults. The preteen years can be particularly sticky, but we’ve got your back! Packed with fun quizzes, colorful illustrations, and stories about girls just like you, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends) is the ultimate interactive guidebook to help you learn the ins and outs of friendship. Explore the topics of gossip, bullying, and feeling left out, along with ways to strengthen the friendships that mean the most to you.

About the Author:

Jessica Speer's first middle-grade book, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girl's Guide to Happy Friendships, grew out of her friendship program that helps kids develop social awareness and healthy friendship skills. She has a master's degree in social sciences, and her writing focuses on social/emotional topics for kids and families.  

Somewhere in the City and Count on Me 123 with Author J.B. Frank

Author J.B. Frank of Somewhere in the City and Count on Me 123 joins host Carla Marie Manly, PhD to discuss her books.

About Somewhere in the City:

https://www.familius.com/book/somewhere-in-the-city/

The sights and sounds of the city come alive in a magical way as Lucy waits eagerly for her father to return from work. Watching out the window, Lucy’s view of dogs, bakers, and buses is juxtaposed with her father’s journey through crowds, trains, and finally home to tuck her in. Detailed illustrations contrast a child’s fantastical view of the world with reality, all leading up to a cozy finish that will make this a perfect bedtime book for city children everywhere.

About Count on Me 123:

https://www.familius.com/book/count-on-me-123/

Though many things in the world are uncertain, there are some people we can always count on—so let’s count them! In this colorful board book filled with adorable, diverse characters, children count the everyday heroes around them from 10 crossing guards and 9 firefighters down to 2 parents, and of course, 1 you!

About J.B. Frank:

J. B. Frank holds a masters degree in Writing for Children and Young Adults from Hamline University. She is an Emmy Award– and Cine Award–winning television producer and has written articles for a number of children’s magazines and journals.