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With help from guest authors, experts, and community and business leaders, the Familius Helping Families Be Happy podcast explores topics and issues that connect families to the nine habits of a happy family: love, play, learn, work, talk, heal, read, eat, and laugh together.
Episodes
Wednesday Sep 07, 2022
Wednesday Sep 07, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Ali Jensen (Founder/Author and a military spouse and mom of three kids) about her very busy career, motherhood, and her two books one of which is ‘Perfect for This Skin You're In’.
Episode Highlights
- 02:10 – Ali says that she grew up in the corporate world and worked in human capital consulting for a long time. She is very passionate about well-being.
- 03:45 – Ali loves military life for so many reasons, as per her it’s an amazing community.
- 06:10 – Ali and her son spend a lot of the time together but as an author, she feels the book world has been interesting in terms of growing together, reading together, and talking together.
- 08:25 – Dr. Carla asks about Ali’s secret to creating a happy, and healthy family as well as her recommendations as a mom of three little ones and husband in the Air Force.
- 10:45 – Dr. Carla refers to what Ali said about emotional intelligence, modeling healthy emotions, and letting your kids see that it's okay to cry, and it's okay to have conflicting emotions.
- 12:45 - You become proud of yourself for trying something new, and if it doesn't work, that's fine.
- 14:45 – Ali says that when they wake up they have cheesy eggs, avocado, and toast in the morning.
- 16:50 – Dr. Carla asks Ali to share one of her secrets to motherhood and life success.
- 19:00 – They talk about Ali’s new book – ‘Perfect for This Skin You're In’’. Dr. Carla says she likes the title of the book so much.
- 21:00 - We all have gifts within, so be yourself and let yourself shine but also be accepting and we're only better together.
- 24:40 – Ali says that she is glad that she keeps it alive because if she asked her husband questions then he finally says, please, no more questions.
- 26:30 - If we bring it down to that one baby step at a time, one piece at a time, it's easy to forget.
Three Key Points
- Ali says that even if it's 30 minutes of getting outside in nature that helps them be happy and she thinks if she is happier it kind of sets the tone. So they try every day to get outside and make sure they're playing using creativity exercises. They definitely love sweets too but Ali’s daughter eats a ton of sweets and then she doesn’t feel good. So Ali thinks their main secret is their growth mindset and it is really tough. Also, they move so often, while they were moving in their last assignment in Colorado her daughters saw Ali crying and felt really sad. Ali thinks just being like a human and letting them know that you have all the emotions too. Ali is like you can be sad and cry and also be very excited for the next adventure and moving to a new country and exploring.
- We are in a world where we think that fear and anxiety are always bad when in fact sometimes having just the right amount of fear, and anxiety reflects that there's a close opportunity ahead. This is just a sign that we're growing and we're able to expand because we do get a little too comfortable in life where we're not expanding anymore.
- Dr. Carla thinks that curiosity is stout in many ways to judgments when we open up and we become curious and ask questions somehow and also her line of work. She doesn’t want to be a judgmental psychotherapist or author. When we open up and start asking questions and stay in that place of objectivity and beautiful childlike curiosity, we find so much on the other side. We find that we can act in a really vulnerable way in true ways.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I just love you talk about what makes you happy as a family.” – Ali Jensen
- “I have been either on the floor for meals or air mattresses, so that can be tough.” - Ali Jensen
- “My first book ‘Anything I Dream’ was inspired by my first daughter.” - Ali Jensen
- “Absolutely what a role model you are, not only do you have the flexibility and being able to adapt to your ever-changing world, but also creativity is clear that you're radiating light for them to see creativity and action.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I appreciate everything that you said and shared right there.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I think COVID made a lot of people reflect on you know, what do I want to do?” - Ali Jensen
- “We all mess up, we're human, but like what can I learn from it and how can I do better next time?” - Ali Jensen
- “It sounds as if you take your role as mom very seriously in a fun way.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Please tell about the genesis of the book and how it can be used to make women and moms and people, in general, feel good about who they are.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “It sounds like a really exquisite book and I really appreciate what you were just saying about listening.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I think if you just focus on one thing.” - Ali Jensen
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Aug 31, 2022
Wednesday Aug 31, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guests Ale and Coco. They talk about how they use Instagram and the world of social media to help empower children, families, women, and everybody.
Episode Highlights
- 01:22 – Ale introduces herself and says having the internet for her has been this wonderful way of sharing things that she’s thinking with everyone and starting conversations, critical thinking, and picture books because that's what she’s really passionate about.
- 03:53 – Ale thinks that there's a lot to be said about how families are changing when they see picture books evolve over time.
- 05:03 – Coco introduces herself and says that she does a lot professionally. She talks about the theory-to-practice aspect of AR Education which is anti-bias, and anti-racist education.
- 07:30 - The whole idea of Librarian Fight Club is that she wants other people to start conversations as well, not just have it to herself, states Ale.
- 10:00 – Ale states that children's books are a reflection of society in general.
- 12:39 – Coco says that picture books provide a very specific structure for the reader and the caregiver who might be a little bit unfamiliar with the topic that they're trying to address.
- 14:23 – Dr. Carla says, if one helps their child develop critical thinking, all that they’re asking or suggesting is that they teach the child how to ponder and assess what they hear, what they read, and what they see so that they can look at it from different perspectives.
- 16:00 – Coco explains how we can use that mirror picture book to facilitate critical thinking.
- 17:35 – We need to pick up the book, and have a goal in mind of what we want to do with this book, or have the goal in mind before we pick the book, and then come up with two or three questions that we can plant.
- 19:25 – Ale mentions that she and Coco were fundamentally a little bit opposite in their approaches to life.
- 21:00 – Dr. Carla says that those who like to be preparing things, go with Coco's approach, and for those who like to fly by the seat of their pants listen to what Ale is saying.
- 24:19 - Children should be allowed to be the expert of whatever they're talking about.
- 26:16 –Coco and Ale are doing great work in allowing adults to come and give their voices but also teaching children at the same time almost in a parallel way, mentions Dr. Carla.
- 28:33 - It's important that young people are given the space to not only state their opinions, but also to see examples of adults in their lives, says Coco.
- 30:20 – Ale says that if we're disagreeing with someone on the internet, we can engage with them, but we should try and engage with them as we would with a colleague or a peer.
- 32:57 – Dr. Carla says, we should give a child the chance from a very young age to learn.
- 34:05 – Coco says, her mission aligns very similar to Ale’s where she wants families (biological or chosen) to be able to use books as resources to open up lines of communication and be able to find a space and a vocabulary for the things that may be going on inside of a tiny human.
Three Key Points
- Ale mentions - it's important that we have spaces where people who have totally different ideas on things like books can talk and it's okay to not agree in the space. She does feel like one of her pet peeves with social media is that we all kind of exist in these Echo Chambers, like a bubble. We follow everybody who agrees with everything we say all of the time, and then every so often we get this weird reminder like a glimpse into this above all the people who are completely different, and every single opinion they have is different. There's never this time when we can come together and talk about something that is incredibly volatile.
- Coco explains - critical thinking or when we hear folks talk about critical thinking skills or development, they're talking about the ability as a human to stop and think about for a moment of fact. So, for instance, critical thinking can look a whole bunch of different ways. It could be us reading a newspaper headline that somebody shared on Instagram and being like, hold on a second. It's the ability to look at a piece of information and think about it from all angles, it is a good skill for any human to have. It's definitely a big goal to help kids develop those skills.
- Dr. Carla says - social media ways and technology have made us a little more separate from each other and Ale and Coco have initiated such a beautiful movement. They both are engaged in helping people to come together through books and reading as well as by having healthy dialogues. Dialogue doesn't mean we need to agree, it means we can be absolutely opposing horses and still be respectful.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Picture books are just so important for families to start conversations to build literacy.” – Ale
- “My passion really lies in helping educators.” – Coco
- “Taking the theoretical concept, giving it real life flavor so we can put it to use in our lives.” – Dr. Carla
- “It's okay to have differences. In fact, we learn when we have differences.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “It's impossible to engage in critical thinking with children in families anywhere if you're not willing to accept the possibility that you could be wrong.” – Ale
- “We don't get as much engagement whereas the open-ended question invites at least one full sentence.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “You shouldn't be barraging a child with too many questions during a reading because it breaks up the narrative.” – Ale
- “I pick up books that I think look good, and I don't pre-read them. I read them for the first time with my kids.” – Ale
- “I don't see a lot of value in yes/no questions unless I'm checking for comprehension.” – Ale
- “One of the things that as parents we should be thinking of is how our behavior online is creating safer, unsafe spaces.” – Ale
- “We can have our opinions and still be respectful of somebody else's.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I try to empower people to question what they're reading home with their kids.” – Ale
- “The more I know me and understand me, the more I'll contribute to a healthy happy family healthy happy world.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Ale: Instagram Website Podcast
- Coco: Instagram Website
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Aug 17, 2022
Wednesday Aug 17, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Jessica Speer, an author focused on helping kids and families thrive. She talks about her new book ‘Middle School Safety Goggles Advised’. This is a deep dive into the middle school experience in a way that's fun, but also honest and filled with the voices of students.
Episode Highlight
- 01:07 – Dr. Carla says that she loves Jessica’s subject matter because it's all about kids, all about helping children and their parents.
- 03:22 – Jessica mentions that she spent a lot of time in seventh-grade classrooms because she really wanted to understand what is it like to be a middle-schooler today.
- 05:00 - It's not about blaming, shaming, should or shouldn't, it’s about waiting, slowing down, taking a look at what works for us, and what would create a healthy positive outcome, states Jessica.
- 07:02 – Dr. Carla states about Jessica’s book that the book helps prevent some of the things from happening. We can’t control everything but this book gives really solid tips and tools for self-awareness.
- 09:04 - It was a joy to work with kids and Jessica added as much as she could. She included a lot of their insights and wisdom in this book because kids have a ton and that makes it so real.
- 11: 35 – Dr. Carla enquires when we look at the book - ‘Middle School Safety Goggles Advised’, how is this book going to help make families happier?
- 14:23 – Jessica says, being in the classroom was so fun, and she loves getting to know the kids over the course of the year.
- 16:12 - Dr. Carla enquires from Jessica about what would she say to the parents who say, “What stress our child possibly could have as they are provided with food, clothing, shelter, and all of these luxury items?”
- 18:01 – Jessica shares, what parents can do to mitigate some of that stress in each of those three areas.
- 20:15 - People think middle schoolers need seven or eight hours of sleep, but as per research it is around 10-12 hours instead.
- 22:04 – Dr. Carla says, she is a firm believer in phone technology out of the bedroom and it's important for parents to have the same rules.
- 24:00 – If we do notice overtime that they're struggling more than they should be maybe not wanting to go to school and starting to complain and using gigs and things like that, that might be a time where we do need to step in and get some extra help.
- 25:38 – Dr. Carla enquires from Jessica if a parent notices that something's wrong and suspects that a child's being bullied, what would she say to such parent, and how does a parent proceed?
- 27:08 – Jessica states that kids need to lead the charge as to how we're going to fix it and how we're going to create this change.
- 29:20 – Jessica mentions they’ve done a great job of bullying awareness in this book.
- 31:00 - In all these situations, as parents staying as calm and grounded as possible and trying to get as much information and understanding as we can be a great place to start, mentions Jessica.
- 33:22 – Dr. Carla says that for a parent, it really helps them understand a little bit more what today's struggles are like, for that middle schooler.
- 36:00 - Jessica says, it was fun to write those and they're really thought-provoking for kids and adults.
Three Key Points
- Jessica says about the book that it's kind of a gentle but fun way to help kids, think through common but difficult situations. So yeah, it's got beautiful illustrations that she’s super excited about, she thinks it's going to be a fun read for kids and a read that will help parents get their head back in the middle school game, what middle school was really like. This book will quickly bring them right back into their middle school years.
- Jessica explains how this book is going to make families happier from the parent’s perspective, it's helpful to get their head in that space when their kids are about to enter or are in middle school, and then for kids, just the chance to kind of learn and grow and know that there are resources out there and there are resources within themselves and they've got choices. So, it's written in a way like they're reading what their friend might be telling them because there are tons of stories and quotes from peers.
- Dr. Carla says - another one of the pieces that she really loves about Jessica’s book is that educators can read it and can take a lot of insights from the book. Parents can read it, better understand their children and have a better idea of how to help their middle school years. Not be perfect, nothing's perfect, but be healthy and fun.
Tweetable Quotes
- “This book is super interactive, filled with humor and fun and stories.” - Jessica Speer
- “The best insights I heard kids which I incorporated in the book is ‘choose your own ending story.” - Jessica Speer
- “It just gives a sneak preview into middle school for kids entering or like right in the thick of it.” - Jessica Speer
- “If they read it, they will tap into the tricky part of middle school.” - Jessica Speer
- “Some of the best insights I got when I had little slips of paper and just asked a simple question.” - Jessica Speer
- “The trickiest things that they named were, the social media is tricky” - Jessica Speer
- “There are three different kinds of stress.” - Jessica Speer
- “Parents can do a lot taking the pressure off that academic stress.” - Jessica Speer
- “We need to get those stress levels back down to a healthy level.” - Jessica Speer
- “It's okay to let go of activities.” - Jessica Speer
- “The kids I was talking to they were pretty clear they were not getting enough sleep.” - Jessica Speer
- “As humans sometimes have to learn how to deal with mean people, how to stand up for ourselves, how to not take things personally, and how to just move on.” - Jessica Speer
- “It's important for parents to understand that difference too because we don't want to go off the handle if it's not a situation of bullying.” - Jessica Speer
- “We all are on these journeys to figure out, what are our strengths, what are our weaknesses, where are opportunities to grow.” - Jessica Speer
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Aug 10, 2022
Wednesday Aug 10, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly (A practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California) talks with guest Owen Dara (A Filmmaker, Musician, Writer, and Comedian). Dara talks about how he uses his creative talent including many of them to help families to be happy. Also, he talks about how he dealt with depression for decades from the time he was a young child, till he was a teenager.
Episode Highlights
- 01:48 – Owen says, he has always been an artist, even though he didn't acknowledge it when he was growing up, because it wasn't something that was openly supported in his household as a profession.
- 03:57 - When Owen was six years old, they moved to Cork city.
- 05:00 – Owen explains how he came to the US.
- 07: 10 – Owen mentions that he has never regretted moving to the US.
- 10:08 – Owen says, he is prone to depression, and he can't just get depressed with everything else that he was doing. He tried other jobs, and he just thought he has to try to at least express this creativity whether it becomes a profession or not.
- 12:56 – Owen ended up working in the creative arts and got into a college in Australia. He studied for four years at Melbourne University.
- 14:09 - During the period when Owen was studying, he started doing stand-up comedy, and that opened up the professional world for him.
- 16:07 - Dr. Carla says about Owen that if he had taken a linear path of being a Dentist then how much more difficult it would be for him.
- 19:19 - If Owen had found his true calling there, possibly never would have left that place, and then he would have missed out on so many experiences, says Owen.
- 21:22 - People who don’t suffer from depression, are blessed in his opinion and lucky in many ways. They don't understand what depression is, states Owen.
- 23:41 – Owen says, it was recommended by a teacher of him or a Headmaster at a certain school to his mother that he should seek professional help.
- 25:03 – Owen’s mother said, thinking about what's best for him and his future to get on with it. He didn't know that until he was an adult and went through other bugs of depression and talked to his mother about it.
- 27:07 – Owen says, his Catholic education was maybe what brought him to that place.
- 30:27 – Owen says, being an entertainer helped a lot because being forced to get up in front of people, when he had professional engagements and express himself, helped get it out of him.
- 33:20 - When one suffers from depression, it’s a lifelong thing, one is never cured. One just learns to deal with it better as time goes on, says Owen.
- 34: 37 – Dr. Carla says there are still so many people who believe that depression is something to be gotten over that why don't you just be happy?
- 36:33 - Each time we go through a phase of depression, it can last up to maybe three or four months, says Owen.
- 38:00 - Sometimes depression comes out of nowhere and they suddenly start thinking we’re fine, states Owen.
- 40:46 – Owen states that he doesn't think his dad would mind him speaking about this because they're being so open and suffered terribly from depression.
- 43:30 - It feels better at the moment, then the next day it's back and the negative self-talk is back to self-soothing of that type is not the solution, says Dr. Carla.
- 45:34 – Owen says that he is probably mild manic depressive but controllable.
- 47:25 – Dr. Carla has so much respect for what Owen has shared. It is so much information and the heart he has imparted.
- 49:44 – Dr. Carla asks Owen to share a bit about filmmaking and how that gives him joy.
- 53:32 – Owen mentions that this comedy and his other films too, could be watched by families. There's nothing in there that somebody might be restricted.
- 55:58 – Owen shares, that they were all making a connection at that point, and he and Dr. Carla had never met but they connected to those comments.
- 57:24 – Being with that person in their pain at that moment and being present is the best thing that anybody can ever do, says Owen.
- 59:46 - It's the friends, it's the family, and it's the connection that is the most important.
- 62:30 – Owen says, during depression one’s face and whole being is so heavy. He described it to somebody one time as mercury in one’s veins.
- 66:04 -Dr. Carla states, that depression is a much-shortened space of what one lives with.
- 68:06 - Life is better each year because he understands it more, states Owen.
- 70:36 – Thankfully in this country, we are advanced enough in the medical field and in the mental health field enough to know that help is available, says Owen.
- 72:09 – Dr. Carla asks Dara to share two or three titbits that he'd like to give to our listeners today.
- 74:50 - We all have those commitments that we need to do, and we may not have that choice right now, says Owen.
- 76:43 – Owen has learned that setting those goals however small, is important to our sense of well-being and our sense of fulfillment and happiness.
- 78:20 – Owen mentions that he very quickly found that there is no joy in sharing the same material night after night.
- 80:06 – That moment made Owen understand why rich people say, wealth doesn't bring you happiness.
- 82:42 - When Owen was going through depression and he couldn't work, then one of his friends said he doesn’t have to achieve anything. He needs to congratulate himself for getting out of bed in the morning.
- 84:21 - Anything that gives us purpose is an achievement, states Owen.
- 86:58 - We're all playing our parts, to the degree at which we’re being guided by our desires, says Owen.
- 89:40 - All of us are in a situation that's not as good as what somebody else has, but better than what somebody else has, states Owen.
- 90:19 – Owen states that as long as it's bringing us fulfillment and we're moving forward that's what's important.
- 92:36 – Owen wrote his childhood, wild horses in Irish childhood and his journey growing up in Ireland, depression, and those challenges.
Three Key Points
- Owen says - the stigma that is in our society, and also the stigma that we carry ourselves as people who suffer from depression. The only way we're going to mitigate that is just to share and to say, look, we're people too.
- Dr. Carla highlights about Owen that it has gotten better year-by-year, not because he has ignored it, not because he has solved it over with substances, but because he faced it, he has paid attention to it and he learned through hard work, how to manage it.
- Dr. Carla shares - if one is suffering from depression, anxiety, mental health issues or not, they need to get in their way. They’re doing small things which can feel like a very big thing like getting out of bed, that’s good, that is right for them, that is a success for them. When we all contribute in our ways to the best that we can to that moment or that day, then we are going to do good things and wonderful things. We don't need to do great things, we can do small things with great love and when we do small things with great love, that is incredible, that is everything. Doing small things every day to the best of our ability that is living with love.
Tweetable Quotes
- “If I were to follow a different path, it would be intended with the path that I've chosen.” - Owen Dara
- “When it hit me as a teen. I thought that I would never ever get through it.” - Owen Dara
- “He said, if he gets help now if he gets psychiatric help, it will be on his permanent record.” - Owen Dara
- “Growing up in the Catholic Church, we are taught that suicide is the worst sin of all.” - Owen Dara
- “If you murder somebody, you can repent and find everything. If you take your own life, there's no repentance.” - Owen Dara
- “I went through another depression when I was working in London.” - Owen Dara
- “By the end of the show, not always but a lot of the times I would feel like Oh, my God, I'm cured.” - Owen Dara
- “One in four people suffer from a form of depression.” - Owen Dara
- “I certainly would not be as creative as I am without depression.” - Owen Dara
- “Depression is walking around with a 100-pound weight on your shoulders and not knowing why it's there and not being able to get it off.” – Dr. Carla Manly
- “I get a thrill from writing something that makes me laugh.” - Owen Dara
- “A great thing about being a writer is, you can guide the conversation.” - Owen Dara
- “It is a connection with other people that can help us through that.” - Owen Dara
- “The actual connection that I get with the people that I'm working on the set is, payment enough for the work.” - Owen Dara
- “Comedy has so many healing powers of its own.” - Dr. Carla Manly
- “The bouts of depression get shorter and less frequent as I get older. And I've learned to deal with it.” - Owen Dara
- “Anybody who's going through depression or any kind of challenge like that. Know that it's not forever.” - Owen Dara
- “There's always better choices than the worst choices.” - Owen Dara
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Donna Tetreault. They discuss her new book “The CASTLE Method”, a life-changing, and relationship-changing book. This book helps in understanding all these concepts of self-parenting.
Episode Highlights
- 01:45 – Donna shares that she has been in this child area for a long time with a little bit of a stint in just general assignment reporting.
- 03:10 – Dr. Carla asks Donna, why compassion is important in a family?
- 05:00 – Dr. Carla enquires that how can we show compassion to the child?
- 07:50 - We need to have the acceptance of that child and who they are and not judge and not then turn that into something else that changes who this person is, says Donna.
- 09:37 – Dr. Carla highlights that when we remove that shaming vocabulary, the child is abler to prosper.
- 11:06 - We don't want to be doing the shaming because we don't learn when we shame, states Dr. Carla
- 13:35 – We need to log into emotional security. Donna doesn't think as parents we’re necessarily trained or taught how to provide emotional security to our children.
- 15:24 – Donna talks about SEL (Social Emotional Learning).
- 16:28 - It's about this emotional security that's built in early on and that also leads us to better mental health and well-being, says Donna.
- 17:38 - Trust is something that we have to build into ourselves as parents, and then also allow ourselves to trust our children, mentions Donna
- 19:10 – Donna says, if something comes up, trust what you're thinking and believing and then go to the education part of it and educate yourself on it.
- 20:05 - What happens when parents break the child's trust, or when the child breaks the parent’s trust? How do we handle that in ‘The CASTLE Method’? Dr. Carla enquires
- 22:24 - When we do something that takes the trust away from our child, we need to say we're sorry, highlights Donna.
- 25:00 – Donna says, she has to be curious and ask a lot of questions to find out the exact reason why something happening in the story or what's going on.
- 27:07 – We need to start teaching our kids self-love early on.
- 29:58 – Donna mentions they’re trying to hyper-focus on the ability to allow the child to be proud on his own.
- 31:42 – Another part of expectations is to promote positivity inside the family and the parents.
- 33: 33 - We can cultivate and create more joy but it's also okay for us to have times where joy isn't present, states Dr. Carla.
- 35:00 – Dr. Carla enquires about how can we use ‘The CASTLE Method’ to make families be happier?
- 39:52 - We are compassionate, and accepting, we are creating security, we create trust, and we have love and solid expectations. Expectations that are good, says Dr. Carla.
- 41:00 – Donna wants to teach young children that we need to be able to forgive our parents and understand and have compassion for them in where they were and how they were parenting.
Three Key Points
- Donna shares that ‘The CASTLE Method’ is an acronym that's used as a metaphor to build the castle or the family of your dreams. Not the perfect family. But the best version of your unique family. And so, CASTLE stands for Compassion, Acceptance, Security, Trust, Love, Expectations, plus Education and all of these are foundational principles to build that sound foundation for your family.
- Donna highlights - that acceptance is about accepting the individual, the child for who they are inside, who they are supposed to be in their lives and not trying to steer their lives, but allowing them to unfold as they should and following them on their path accepting their path.
- Donna explains, that what she’s trying to do with her new Book ‘The CASTLE Method’ is, we're together, how are we going to grow each other together to build out the best mom and dad, the best kids, the best family, to the best of our ability, our unique family because no family looks the same. So, it's just about trying to get the family to be the best version of itself.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Empathy is being able to put yourself in somebody else's shoes, but compassion takes it a step further in that you are working to alleviate the suffering of another”. Donna Tetreault
- “When we have this compassionate mindset and we practice it, we're really bringing out the best in our family.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We need to accept a child for who they are in every way.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Acceptance is not only the antithesis of rejection, but it also means that we're not shaming and judging.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Our brains don't learn when we're shamed.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “One strategy that I use throughout the book and inside of this security chapter is emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We really need to practice this emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
- “If they don't have the empathy or compassion in their leadership, they won't be good leaders.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Don't ever do something for a child that he can do for himself.” - Donna Tetreault
- “I know my kid and I want to help my kid be the best version of himself. So, I'm going to trust him.” - Donna Tetreault
- “If you are a teacher, and you're not following what you're doing as a teacher, you're not going to have any buy-in with the child.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We teach our children self-esteem, and self-esteem is super important.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Self-responsibility also builds self-love.” - Donna Tetreault
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Donna Tetreault: Website Instagram Facebook
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jul 13, 2022
Wednesday Jul 13, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Mifflin Lowe (Writer and Musician) about his book – ‘The Cuddle Book’, the power of Cuddling. He says it's about cuddling and he’d like to call this year -the year of the cuddle.
Episode Highlights
- 01:40 – ‘The Cuddle Book’ is good for kids up to the age of five, says Mifflin.
- 04:00 – Mifflin tells about a poem that he has written to the publisher - Familius.
- 06:00 – Dr. Carla says that the power of a hug or a cuddle is worth a million words.
- 08:10 – Dr. Carla tells Mifflin, “You are the musician, you are the singer, and you are the author so there's nothing to compare with you.”
- 11:30 – It’s the truth that for all of us no matter our age, when life feels tough and rough, the cuddles are truly magical. It feels so soothing and comforting to the body, mind, and spirit right before kids go to sleep.
- 13:50 – Mifflin talks about how this book brings families together making them happier.
- 16:10 - As a writer, there's nothing better than having kids react to your work and one of the greatest things that I've always enjoyed about being a writer and a musician for children is seeing them draw pictures.
- 19:05 – Dr. Carla thinks that the books like ‘The Cuddle Book’ can help families be more joyful, more connected, happier, and more positive in the long run.
- 21:30 - Mifflin mentions that if you ever want to take a picture of you and your children cuddling then send it to his email and they will share it with the rest of the world.
Three Key Points
- ‘The Cuddle Book’ brings up these pieces in this world today where so many people are feeling alone and isolated, and COVID has kept us a little bit more in hibernation mode. It is important to remember that our need for contact or cuddles is such a primitive instinct that makes us feel better emotionally, mentally, and physically.
- The hug, feel and warmth relax kids, it makes them feel happy and composed. Bedtime books are a big deal, it soothes and relaxes kids and helps them go to sleep. They go to sleep in the arms of love. It just sets the stage for then waking up feeling absolutely rest rested at peace and excited for the next day.
- Mifflin’s book can inspire parents to help their children interact with the book. Not only can they listen to or read it, but also they can interact with it. By then making their poems or their drawings. The power of a story like this is to inspire creativity and healthy interactions.
Tweetable Quotes
- “That was like a grand slam for me because that's the most fulfilling thing an author can hope for.” - Mifflin Lowe
- “I want to read one little piece of your book, it's just it's so yummy.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I'm trying to get the kid to like, get into what's good about cuddling and what they feel when they do.” - Mifflin Lowe
- “I would love it if you would share as much of it as you'd like to.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I think it's a great thing to establish the habit of reading a book right away with the child as they understand the importance of togetherness, and embrace it.” - Mifflin Lowe
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Mifflin Lowe Website Email
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jul 06, 2022
Wednesday Jul 06, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based chats with guests Dame Sue Bagshaw and Michael Hempseed. They discuss their book ‘Calming Your Child: De-escalating tantrums, anxiety, aggression, and other challenging behaviors.
Episode Highlights
- 01:12 – Dr. Carla asks Dame Sue how does one earn the title of Dame?
- 03:04 – Dr. Carla mentions that this book is a handful for a lot of parents and caregivers out there who are looking at their children and saying “Oh, my goodness, what do I do, or how do I call my child?
- 04:16 – Dr. Carla enquires, when Mom walks into the store, little Billy starts having an intense tantrum right there at the store, what’s a mom to do rather than pick him up and run back out to the car?
- 06:17 – Michael says, we need to look a little deeper at what's causing this behavior.
- 08:07 – People can also have the opposite where they don't perceive so much information, we call it ‘Under Sensitivity’. A lot of these children tend to be quite clumsy.
- 10:00 – Dame says it's probably more to do with how the brain processes the information that's coming in from the ears or the eyes or the smell or the bits of skin.
- 12:39 – Dr. Carla highlights, that we look at things like school shootings, even if a child was not in that classroom, of course, they may ultimately have PTSD.
- 13:12 – Injury not only comes from verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse but also an experience of being terrified or the experience of being frightened, states Dame.
- 15:07 – Michael says, sometimes we underestimate the impact that children may have watching traumatic things on the news.
- 18:39 – Dr. Carla enquires from Dame, what are one or two practical tips that a parent could get in their hands and heart around?
- 20:15 – Dame states that anything that helps brain growth for children is important.
- 23:10 – What would he say about a parent who suspects that maybe a sensory issue is at work or would want to know more? Asks Dr. Carla.
- 25: 00 - It's about slowing down to find out what's going on underneath, rather than assuming that my child is a monster or my child is trying to get attention or my child is a drama queen, says Dr. Carla.
- 27:08 – Dr. Carla points out that our children, their brains need lots of sleep, but they're not getting very much sleep.
- 29:30 – Dame says, ensure that we have a bit of everything and not too much of anything.
- 31:05 – Dr. Carla imagines that food is a big part of an underestimated part of behavioral issues.
- 33:03 – Michael mentions that in the book, they offer approximately 40 or 50 different strategies because every child is different. But it's so important to know that there are things that can be done.
Three Key Points
- Michael shares the key in his book that is helping families be happy together - a lot of families are getting torn apart by children’s serious behavioral issues. We often know that having a child with behavioral difficulties can put severe stress on a marriage. Many children with behavioral issues don't sleep very well at night. They can wake up with nightmares, or they can wake up screaming. We know that when people are tired or when people are sleep deprived, that's when Healthy Families don't have fun.
- Dame shares the tips - the first is eating together is important. If one gets that habit right from the start when they're little and then keeps it going through teenage times that’s so helpful. The other tip is, if one has got more than one child, try and spend some time alone with each child. The number of bad behaviors that accrue from jealousy. Spending some individual time with each child is important.
- Michael highlights how parents can know more about sensory issues – they can go down a formal diagnosis route, but other times it's quite easy to pick up. If they see a child that's putting their hands over their ears around loud noises, that could be an indicator. Another really clear indicator is, that if children either hit against a wall or on a desk repeatedly, it's often a really good indicator that they've got sensory issues. So sometimes they don't necessarily need a formal diagnosis, and then once they are aware of that, they can start to make changes. It's recognizing what is going on and not just thinking this child's difficult for the sake of it.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I think with children, we must try and fit from their point of view.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “The way that we perceive the world is not the way that everyone else perceives the world.” - Michael Hempseed
- “People can also have the opposite where they don't perceive so much information, we call it as under sensitivity.” - Michael Hempseed
- Some children on the autism spectrum like their skin brushed with a hairbrush or special brushes because it feels very good and very soothing.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Teachers are reporting more students with sensory issues in the past, and in some cases, it could be a response from a pandemic.” - Michael Hempseed
- “Any person in any situation can experience PTSD if they feel overwhelmed, terrified, out of control by a stimulating event or overstimulating event.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Injuries are what is upsetting the brain processes.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “It's really important not to let children watch the news.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “It was found that the people that watched that repeatedly on TV reported higher levels of distress, and pain.” - Michael Hempseed
- “We sometimes forget that the brain soaks things in especially at night.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Families that eat together are happy.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “Just around the table together, even if it's only for 5 or 10 minutes every day.” - Dame Sue Bagshaw
- “It's been discovered that core sleep is a significant risk for suicide.” - Michael Hempseed
- “Stay away from those sugary sodas and have some water.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
- Calming Your Child: Twitter Facebook Amazon
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
Wednesday Jun 29, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Antonio Sacre, an American Author, Solo Performer, and Storyteller. Antonio speaks about his book ‘My Name is Cool’. This book is about what it is like to be in between two cultures and languages, and how do we celebrate and survive that. This book teaches children to be proud of their heritage and the things that make them different. This is inspired by Antonio’s personal history growing up as a Cuban-Irish-American.
Episode Highlights
- 01:00 – Antonio mentions, that his father comes from Cuba and his mom is an Irish American, so on his Cuban side of the family, they have all of these nicknames. He is called various names by different people.
- 04:12 – Antonio was in between two cultures and was never quite sure, how and where did he fit in there.
- 06:10 – One summer when Antonio was a kid, he went through every single novel and read them twice and from there began his deep love affair with books.
- 08:56 – We are those people who are in between cultures, languages, and parents, states Antonio.
- 10:20 – For years, Antonio has been making a living by telling stories to children in classrooms, libraries, and festivals.
- 12:02 – There are two women from the Familius group that are helping him with the book coming out next year and one of them is from Korea, and he wrote it specifically thinking of families who speak Spanish.
- 14:30 – This book tells us about what we do and how we do it when somebody is different from us.
- 16:10 - Antonio wants kids to go home and investigate, why they have that middle name? Why were they named after for whom with they named after?
- 18:34 - If you're embarrassed by your nickname and you don't want to share it, you don't have to, says Antonio.
- 23:02 – There's something fun in that other language, says Dr. Carla Marie Manly.
- 25:45 – Antonio has been working with teachers on a district level, how they can use the power of storytelling, and oral tradition to help their kids learn reading and writing.
- 28:00 – Parents should talk to their kids about who they know, there are 100 people in their family that their kids don't know about, mentions Antonio.
- 31:36 – Antonio is trying to remind parents of this simple thing that is just such a huge part of who we are as humans.
- 33:09 – Dr. Carla says she believes that so much healing takes place when we actively listen.
- 35:07 - These stories of our power or the power of our ancestors are fought can be formative, says Antonio.
- 37:50 – Talking with children about the hard things is helping them grow.
- 39:06 – We can't prepare our kids for every scenario, says Antonio
- 41:57 – Antonio suggests to all the parents who have adolescent kids that right now, they must be feeling like they have the worst kid in the world but they're not.
- 44:09 - If you're in trouble right now find a mentor, says the Antonio.
- 46:01 – Dr. Carla states that we all need mentors because if we don't have mentors, we struggle unnecessarily. Also, if we don't have mentors, we don't learn.
Three Key Points
- Antonio is the reader that then led to the writer and he is also that person who lives in that blended world of two cultures. So, he has that to offer.
- Antonio is writing for one specific audience member that little girl whose parent comes from Mexico and the other comes from Germany. And she's having the same thing he had. And then obviously, he hopes that it reaches the universal. There are a lot of kids who are going to feel different ways and he wants them to be proud of how they feel.
- We do want to protect our children and the little ones in our lives, but we also want them to know that they have the power to move forward in life despite the obstacles that come our way.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Years later, from all those years of reading and years of the journal, journal keeping, I now can say that I am a writer.” - Antonio Sacre
- “I want kids and families as they're reading that book out loud to be laughing for sure.’ – Antonio Sacre
- “There were kids who would make fun of my dad in a way that was funny.” – Antonio Sacre
- “It's very hard for someone who doesn't speak the language to be able to speak the language in a way that sounds good to the language speaker.” – Antonio Sacre
- “Well, tell me about you or tell me how I pronounce your name or how do you prefer to be addressed, right?” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I was named after my dad who was named after his dad who was named after his dad, so you can see it's the Cubans.” - Antonio Sacre
- “I'm named after a man I never met. I'll never meet who was my dad's best friend whom he never saw again.’ – Antonio Sacre
- “Well, it's cool, and we are all cool. Despite our differences because of our differences. If we take the time to slow down, we are all pretty darn cool people.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “You bring classrooms and assemblies the gift of laughter and heart and connection and understanding through the power of a name.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “If stories don't always have happy endings, we can use them as learning opportunities.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “One of the biggest gifts we can give as parents are to show you know here are the boundaries.’ - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “If we don't have mentors in our lives, then we stop evolving and transforming.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “A podcast can be a mentor, a best friend who has wisdom in an area could be a mentor somebody a co-worker or a partner.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Jun 22, 2022
Wednesday Jun 22, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robbins talks to Shaun Tomson, a former World Surfing Champion, who has been described as one of the greatest and most influential surfers of all time. Shaun is also a world-renowned leader, mentor, entrepreneur, environmentalist, and best-selling author. Today they’re going to explore principles of decimal living from his most recent book, The Surfer and The Sage.
Episode Highlights
- 02:20 – Christopher asks Shaun to tell a little bit about his background, how he got into surfing and the World Championships.
- 04:15 – Shaun talks about his father who was South Africa’s top swimmer and used to go to the Olympics. He became a world champion in many events around the world.
- 07:42 - There's a way to activate positive decision-making in this magic universe through the stroke of Science and Leadership, says Shaun.
- 10:02 - This book – ‘The Surfer and The Sage’ is a continuation of philosophy that addresses the eighteen relentless, breaking waves of life, from loss and aging to relationships and depression, and guides you to transformation.
- 12:30 – Christopher wonders and enquires that as a Surfer and as an Environmentalist what has the ocean taught Shaun.
- 15:50 - Shaun mentions that his parents have had so much impact on him that it has been a source of service, a source of inspiration, and it's been the way he became the world champion.
- 17:00 - What have you learned in writing the book that can help the family deal with the anxiety that perhaps some are experiencing today? Asks Christopher.
- 19:20 - This book is a common book that will take you through some of the stories and philosophical interpretations of the story.
- 21:20 – Christopher was so fascinated as he was reading about forgiveness, humility, and courage in the book. Every chapter amongst the 18 chapters is focused on life are opposites.
- 25:30 - Was there a moment in writing this book where you learned something you had an aha moment something you hadn't realized before? Enquires Christopher.
- 27:50 – Christopher states that he loves that quote by Gupta from the book – “Whatever you can believe you can begin. Boldness has genius, power, and magic so that it connects with anyone."
Three Key Points
- While everyone runs something different, we have defined this compulsion that we want to be better today than yesterday, and we want to be better tomorrow than we are today. The underline is, that we'll help others to be better which means to help others to be part of a wider community.
- ‘The Surfer and The Sage’ is not a list of rules to follow that guarantee success, health, or wealth, but rather a collection of advice from two guides who have traveled far and wide and suffered deeply, but still look forward to tomorrow with faith and hope.
- This is not just a book that talks about this concept of hope and this concept of optimism. This is a book that talks about faith, and darkness. It talks about forgiveness, but at the same time, it also talks about guilt. It talks about optimism, but it talks about pessimism as well. So we have to see these aspects in order to make a positive step forward.
Tweetable Quotes
- “My primary mission is to help the world be a better place by making lives better.” - Shaun Tomson
- “After I retired from the church, I ended up working for Sony which worked for Patagonia for a couple of years, that was a wonderful brand.” - Shaun Tomson
- “The ocean has taught me so much about the basic principles of life.” - Shaun Tomson
- “At the beginning of the book, you say this world is too often, too broken for too many.” - Christopher Robbins
- “So the principal words have been stress, anxiety, depression, and disconnection.” - Shaun Tomson
- “You have to face the bitter too in order to know the sweet” - Christopher Robbins
- “That's the whole point that Familias assisted families, be happy individuals, families, whatever type of family you have.” - Christopher Robbins
- “I started with a statement that words have the power to change our mindset, and our lives.” - Shaun Tomson
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Shaun Tomson Website Instagram Twitter LinkedIn
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Jun 08, 2022
Wednesday Jun 08, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Pam Lobley who is talking with us about her book – ‘Why Can't We Just Play’.
Episode Highlights
- 01:15 – Pam is a writer, she started her career in sketch comedy, so everything she does or writes, she approaches it from a comedic standpoint.
- 03:35 – When Pam’s son was in fifth grade he said that he never had time to just play. Play for him was like having a friend over, goofing around in the backyard, making their own games, and going to a playground without any parents’ rules.
- 05:45 - Pam feels so lucky that she took the chance and slowed down, for me as a parent, it was the risk because I was doing something I wasn't sure was right.
- 07:20 - It's hard to be a parent and that was hard. Kids fought a lot like siblings and especially when they only had each other to play with, or it rained a lot.
- 09:15 – Dr. Carla asks if it is possible that this would only work for a stay-at-home mom?
- 11:05 - We're always comparing ourselves to other parents and we're always comparing our kids to other kids, which is so ridiculous, but it's very hard not to do.
- 13:00 – Dr. Carla enquires from Pam that for somebody who wants to be able to let their child play, other than the low expectations what are some key steps they can follow?
- 14:50 - There are times to step in when somebody's bullying, being super toxic, or anything like that. But other than that, that’s where we learn to negotiate.
- 17:20 – Pam says that the young kids instead of being on phone all the time, enjoy being loud and messy in the backyard or climbing all over the playground, or just pretending whatever they want with their friends.
- 19:10 - We often forget as parents, that kids as much as they might push back against structure and routine. As far as family rules go we need them for the kid’s sanity and for the parent’s mental health.
- 20:50 - Some people say minors need to play or my kids should be in academics. They're on the fast track to an Ivy League school who cares about play?
- 22:30 – We can learn great life lessons from watching our children play, and then sleep as they have no sleep issues.
- 24:00 – Pam suggests to the parents that they need to consider their children as they are. Parents shouldn’t be comparing their kids with others.
- 26:15 - Research shows us that happiness peaks when you get to that point of success when you have enough to pay your bills, or enough to have health insurance. After that, it can start dipping because external success is not as important as the beauty of internal success and the joys of big things like play.
- 28:20 - Pam thinks giving your child as much time to play will position them to be healthier and maybe better learners when they hit high school age.
- 30:30 – Young people today don't want to try in case they fail because they feel too much pressure to succeed all the time.
Three Key Points
- Pam says you can build in this type of autonomous, independent, and free play for your kids. For instance, let's say you do need to have a daycare or a camp for your child. Look for the one with the least amount of structure, the most amount of fun, and low expectations. The whole idea is that we're supposed to be improving our children all the time is so exhausting. So it's okay to just be Spider-Man all summer long. That's a perfectly acceptable thing for an eight-year-old.
- One of the steps parents can follow is to kids have an afternoon or several hours every week that is their own. The other step would be that when your child is playing with other children, resist the urge to step in and make it right because then the kids don't learn how to do it themselves, just pretend not to notice.
- A few experts see that play for children is the best education they can have. They've done so many tests about how free play, autonomous, and self-directed play increase their creativity, resilience, and ability to think things through self-awareness. It's different when kids are teenagers because that's different but for kids under 13, play is the best.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I got the idea for this book because I felt like there wasn't a way in our kids’ lives.” - Pam Lobley
- “That happened in the spring and I decided that we would have no summer activity.” - Pam Lobley
- “Over the summer before I realized I did the right thing.”
- “They did drive me crazy, I'm not going to lie.” - Pam Lobley
- “The book I tried to be is funny, so there are a lot of funny stories in the book.” - Pam Lobley
- “I have to say it is the first time in my life I have ever heard parents say set low expectations.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Social media makes it so much easier to get immersed in that world of what I call toxic comparison, yet that is the antithesis of healthy parenting.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “What about the kid who says I want to be on my phone all day?” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “If you want a hockey-achieving kid, it's probably the best thing that you could do for them at that age.” - Pam Lobley
- “I think it's really important to see to see your child for who they really are.” - Pam Lobley
- “The big learning lesson is to let the children play, let them learn and grow. Figure out their path as they're growing.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Failure is a fairly recent interpretation of the word and that it used to mean to simply arrive at a different destination.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “The book ‘Why Can't We Just Play’ is available wherever books are sold, it's in Audio Book and on the eBook format.” - Pam Lobley
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Pam Lobley: Website LinkedIn Instagram Facebook
- Podcast Editing