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With help from guest authors, experts, and community and business leaders, the Familius Helping Families Be Happy podcast explores topics and issues that connect families to the nine habits of a happy family: love, play, learn, work, talk, heal, read, eat, and laugh together.
Episodes
Wednesday Oct 12, 2022
Wednesday Oct 12, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robbins,
Co-founder of Familius publishing, husband, father of nine, author, fisherman, backpacker, and aspirational musician based in the Central Valley of California talks with guest Ashley Marie Mireles, the Director of Sales and Marketing at Familius Publishing, working to help families be happy through the books she writes, and sells. They are discussing Hispanic Heritage Month.
Episode Highlights
- 01:56 – Christopher enquires about Hispanic Heritage Month and why it exists.
- 03:32 – Ashley says, it is called Hispanic Heritage Month, but it is 30 days from September 15 to October 15.
- 05:56 – The goal is to make the language more inclusive. So, in these spaces, they will use an ‘e’ instead of an ‘o’ or an ‘a’ when they want to be more inclusive, says Ashley.
- 07:41 – Ashley gives a couple of examples of those of Hispanic descent who have contributed to the nation.
- 09:10 – With this theme, they are aiming to be focused on the people who have made a difference in the US community and are going to make a difference in the future from Hispanic backgrounds, mentions Ashley.
- 11:22 - If you are somebody who is a part of the Hispanic Heritage just learn about your own family or your ancestors, states Ashley.
- 13:30 – Ashley mentions her book “Proud to be Latino”.
- 15:03 - Appropriation happens when one is characterizing a culture or using things that are sacred to the culture as an aesthetic rather than appreciating it for what it is, says Ashley.
- 16:50 – Ashley recommends some Familius titles that can help us celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month.
Three Key Points
- Ashely shares that Hispanic Heritage Month is started as a national week observance. So, it was then Hispanic Heritage Week, which was started by Lyndon B. Johnson in 1968. There was a lot of talk in Congress about making this a month-long celebration, and it was officially turned into a month-long celebration in 1988 under the Reagan administration. It goes from September 15 to October 15, it is originally with a weekly observance that started on the 15th which is national Independence Day to a lot of Latin American countries. The goal was to celebrate the Hispanic Heritage in the US and all the contributions that people from Hispanic culture have made to our country. So, now it is a month-long celebration and they pick a theme every year, there are a lot of different celebrations that the national government will put together as well as other organizations.
- Ashely says, this year's theme is Unidos: Inclusivity for a Stronger Nation. The theme this year also aims to teach people how to be more inclusive with each other, not just within the community, but also outside of it. It focuses on the melting pot aspect of the United States and shows how people of Hispanic Descent have made important contributions to the US.
- Ashley highlights that the biggest thing to remember when you are celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month or any of these Heritage-themed months is to do your research to find out the history and the intention behind it and ensure that you are celebrating not appropriating.
Tweetable Quotes
- “It's called Hispanic Heritage Month because they are focused on celebrating folks from Spanish-speaking Heritage.” - Ashley Marie Mireles
- “If you're not somebody who is of Hispanic Heritage, learn about it.” - Ashley Marie Mireles
- “If you're not of Hispanic descent, it's easy to assume that somebody of Hispanic culture is going to be exactly like somebody else.” - Ashley Marie Mireles
- “It's important for people to remember and not just kind of paint everyone with the same brush.” - Ashley Marie Mireles
- “Appreciation goes into knowing what you're truly celebrating.” - Ashley Marie Mireles
- “Remember that there's somebody from Cuba is going to have a very different culture and practices than somebody who is from Mexico.” - Ashley Marie Mireles
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Ashley Marie Mireles: Instagram LinkedIn
- FamilySearch.org
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Oct 05, 2022
Wednesday Oct 05, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Author Linda Cutting who talks about Adoption and her book – ‘A is for Always’.
Episode Highlights
- 01:21 – Linda was professionally a Concert Pianist for many years and wrote a memoir in 1997, which was published by HarperCollins.
- 03:10 – Dr. Carla asks that in terms of adoption and how it impacted Linda and her children's lives, what are some of the biggest gifts for her and her children?
- 05:40 – Linda says that she tried to address some of the harder and more challenging aspects of adoption in this book – ‘A is for Adoption’.
- 07:05 - There are many issues with exploring adoption, it's been a wonderful way for Linda to have her family, especially after she had two pregnancies and miscarried. She then adopted as she knew kids in the world needed families.
- 09:30 - Whether it's an adoptive family or, a DNA family, nobody wants to be left out. We all want to feel safe, loved, and secure.
- 11:40 - One of the things that I was very serious about addressing was the difficulties that each of my kids had about adoption in school.
- 13:20 – Linda mentions that America has one of the most mixed race, mixed ethnic groups, cultures, and populations of any country on Earth which gives the message of inclusiveness.
- 16:00 - Linda refers to one of the scenes from a Chinese film where the father explains to her adopted daughter through a metaphor of a tree that has two families and they're both very important families and both are real.
- 17:50 - The other important aspect of adoption Linda thinks is to talk to your kids about and it can be painful but they need to hear it from you is the identical letter K.
- 21:10 - Fortunately, we now live in a world where we are far more inclusive and we are far more willing to talk about things that we didn't talk about 20 years ago.
- 22:10 – Linda tells where listeners can reach her, they can find the book on the Familius Publishing Website or the Workman Website or Amazon, and your local independent bookstores.
Key Points
- Linda says she is very grateful to her children’s birth parents because they gave them life but she thinks the truth is that every adoption begins with loss. So eventually she realized that the bringing up of birth parents brought up the loss, and that's probably why they didn't want to hear it quite as much because they don't want to be reminded of that. Linda thinks one of the reasons she has brought this topic up so much is because one of the problems with adoption has been the secrecy around it and a sense of shame. She didn't want that to be part of her kids’ story or their lives. So in this book – ‘A is for Always’, Linda is trying to promote openness and conversations with adoptive parents and their kids.
- Dr. Carla says that the reason you need to pick up this book is that the illustrations are so beautiful, as well as the energy of the text, which is very loving and welcoming. Whether you're reading it to a newborn, an infant, a five-year-old, to a 10-year-old it would really carry a lot of love and meaning.
Tweetable Quotes
- “We adopted him as a newborn in the States and our daughter's 17 and we adopted her as a one-year-old in China.” - Linda Cutting
- “I didn't want my kids to feel ashamed about questions they might have. So, Q was for questions you may want to shout.” - Linda Cutting
- “Transparency and curiosity, those sound like very good places to be in any parenting but particularly in adoptive parenting.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “My daughter really wants animal illustrations so any child can relate.” - Linda Cutting
- “Makes sense that your book is doing so well because ‘A is for Always’ will resonate with the family that wants to really say we are inclusive.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Inclusivity is so important in an overall way not just for adoptive families, but for all of us. Invite and include others in our lives.” - Linda Cutting
- “It is about connection and it's about growing together.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Sep 28, 2022
Wednesday Sep 28, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robins, Co-founder of Familius Publishing (A Husband, Father, Author, Fisherman, Backpacker, and Aspirational Musician based in the Central Valley of California) talks with guest John Schlimm, Harvard Trained Educator, Artist, Advocates, International Award-Winning Author about what would Gen Z do, and what we can learn from this magnificent and inspiring Generation?
Episode Highlights
- 01:17 – Christopher introduces John and shares about his work toward Gen Z. John is an author of Children's Picture Book (The Star jumped over the moon) and the upcoming (What Would Gen Z Do?)
- 03:00 – Christopher enquires from John about who is it that defines or decides that certain years become a certain type of generation, and what that even means.
- 05:05 – John discusses the stereotypes about Gen Z.
- 07:22 – John reveals that what he has learned from Gen Z is to always be the first one to initiate conversation. Oftentimes we as Non-Gen Z adults have to take that first step and ask the first question, initiate that conversation.
- 09:40 – John recognizes how open and courageous Gen Z was, unlike any other generation to be sharing their mental health challenges and struggles.
- 11:50 – Although Gen Zs are open and courageous and tell us anything we want to know about their mental health or their thoughts on it. But as a generation, they do have the highest suicide rate in history, states John.
- 13:09 - There's a lot more learning and understanding that we need to address, states Christopher.
- 15:10 – John shares that Gen Z has taught him about gaming and gamers, this stereotype that they have had since the PacMan days of the lazy kid sitting in a dark basement maybe someone even in their 20s and 30s sitting in mom and dad's basement just playing video games all day letting their brain and life waste away is not accurate.
- 17:18 – Christopher says, there's so much to embrace about new generations and their innovation.
- 19:17 – John has started encouraging Gen Zs to put a section on their resumes, if they're active gamers, especially if they are in competition and are winning competitions.
- 21: 40 – John encourages Non-Gen Z adults to ask Gen Zs about their tattoos.
- 23:00 – What needs to happen with education, discusses John.
- 27:10 - If we don't deliver then as educators, Gen Zers are already turning to YouTube and other sources to teach themselves, mentions John.
- 29:00 – One of the funniest parts about Gen Z and certainly something unexpected was when they started telling him how much they love the 1980s culture of movies, music, fashion, etc.
- 30:28 - It is nice of a stereotype as it is because they're looking at us through the lens of the music, movies, big hair, fashion, and the neon, says John.
- 33:49 – Christopher asks John that every chapter in his book ends with two questions, one for the reader to ask themselves and one for the reader to ask Gen Zers. He asks, why it was important to him to do that for every chapter.
- 35:15 - This book in many ways is for parents, teachers, employers, and people who are working with this wonderful generation on an everyday basis, says Christopher.
- 37:00 – John gives an example of an activity that is helpful for us to engage in with Gen Z and Y.
Three Key Points
- John says his number one piece of advice when it comes to Gen Z is if we want to know something, just ask them. One of the ad-raps that Gen Z give is that they seem so quiet and introspect or introverted and that's when they come off as being maybe a little bit aloof or rude in social settings. So, what he has learned after talking to 1000s of Gen Zers now across the country is that it's not that they don't have anything to say, but again, and again, they tell him that many of them have social anxiety.
- John says - the more skill-based we can make every facet of education, it’s better. Especially for Gen Z as they want to learn skills. So, the traditional model of lecture, homework, test, and repeat, just doesn't cut it for them anymore. That's not to say that we have to do away with that model completely. There is still a place where lecturers are needed. Homework for sure is needed but if we as academic culture, and academic society, those of us who are in the academic world can take a look at every class we teach, and transition as much of it as possible to be in a skill-based model that's going to better serve our students and give them what they need.
- John explains the reason for having two questions in every chapter of his book. He wanted this to be interactive on different levels, not only as a way for the reader to get to know Gen Zers better, but he also in that process wanted the reader to get to know themselves a little better and to check in with themselves and ask themselves the questions about how do I perceive my mental health? So, it became a great opportunity with those two questions at the end of each chapter for the reader to check in with themselves about the topic at hand, but also then to ask Gen Zers because again, he’s all about facilitating better communication between Gen Zers, and the rest of the world. So, he thought that those two questions allowed that to happen and gave some guidance and even sort of permission to the reader to engage in a better line of communication with themselves and with Gen Z.
Tweetable Quotes
- “The age range of Gen Z years is 10 to 25.” – John Schlimm
- “Mental health part of Gen Z is what initially drew me to these young people.” - John Schlimm
- “They've pulled me more into the realm of mental health advocacy.” - John Schlimm
- “I went to the source rather than trying to make up answers in my head or rely on stereotypes.” - John Schlimm
- “But for Generation Z, first of all, gaming has become a bona fide sport.” - John Schlimm
- “The US military are now actively recruiting gamers to come work for them.” - John Schlimm
- “One of the things I learned early on from Gen Z as well as they are taking the art of the attack to a whole new level of sentiment and storytelling.” - John Schlimm
- “As an artist and a storyteller, I'm fascinated by tattoos.” - John Schlimm
- “It's all about at the end of the day having fun and connection.” - John Schlimm
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- John Schlimm: Website
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Sep 21, 2022
Wednesday Sep 21, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Apurva Shrivasta about her life as a Book Reviewer.
Episode Highlights
- 01:38 – Apurva is a UX Designer by profession, and works for a Credit Card Company. Other than that, she’s also a book reviewer on Instagram.
- 03:13 – Apurva’s professional work is very similar to what one does in their day-to-day life and in motherhood.
- 05:09 – Just being their (Children) biggest cheerleaders is all about parenting and all these intricacies of reaching the child, states Apurva.
- 07:17 – Apurva’s children believe in the power of reading, and she’s so fascinated to see this valuable trait naturally emerge in her family, highlights Apurva.
- 09:23 – Dr. Carla about Apurva, no matter the child's age when she's reading with them, she has created sort of a bubble or cocoon in her own world where the two of them are exploring whatever's in the book together. She’s on an adventure in her own world.
- 11:10 - It does take a lot, not just cognitive energy but also emotional energy to tune into a child that way, says Dr. Carla.
- 13:25 – Dr. Carla enquires about how can toddlers learn problem-solving.
- 14:38 - It's very important to see how our kids react to certain things, and how do they carry themselves with confidence because that's important, says Apurva.
- 16:49 – Apurva highlights that just being in that moment present with them and not thinking about anything else and giving that undivided attention is important.
- 18:10 - Just being there with the kids is the most important thing without the intervention of technology, says Apurva.
- 20:34 - Kids have a brain where they can wander. So, why not be a model for them to display what the world is like and how it is so beautiful, states Apurva.
- 22:00 – Apurva shares her opinion on which book is better in certain age ranges.
- 23:20 – Apurva wrote a book which is, about how does a child’s brain works?
- 25:00 – They do like a lot of Montessori education for both her daughters.
Three Key Points
- Apurva highlights - reading in itself creates that bonding and it's really important. We can really like read aloud or let them (Children) read on their own if they are a little elder, but when we're reading with them, we're creating our own world. It's significantly benefitted our child's brain and ours as well and we can see that wire but then it goes from our child to our brain and then naturally it prepares them for their academic success.
- Apurva says - reading is one way where we express our affection and gratitude. We're given the opportunity that we can read it to them. It's like we should be really grateful for that and keep developing that habit little by little, even if it is like five minutes, 10 minutes. She thinks it's more than enough and when we see that smile on their face when we're together and not busy in our phones or doing other things and ignoring them, it's blissful.
- Apurva shares what makes a really great children's book - first the story the characters that we bring in, what is the story depicting and also the ups and down. There's not a story that wouldn't have a down and then how do they shine up and brings out the moral out of that. So, all those milestones are really important in a story.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Being the child's advocate or cheerleader, is really important.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “The more books, the better it is.” – Apurva Shrivasta
- “You are creating your own world when you're reading with a child.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “You can get creative with reading.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “It is joyful, but sometimes it is tiring.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “5 to 10 minutes of reading can make a difference in a child's life.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “Integrate practical life along with that. I think that's really important.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “Empathy and compassion are a theme that we really put more emphasis on.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “We also encourage a lot of unstructured day time too.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “That bond between your children and yourself, you wouldn't even know how far along that can go.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “A child who grows up with tuned parents, generally have really good self-confidence, high self-esteem.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Just imagine, there is no fear in imagining things.” - Apurva Shrivasta
- “What a strong power to have the gift of imagination and to pass that on to your children.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Sep 14, 2022
Wednesday Sep 14, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Christopher Robins, Co-founder of Familius Publishing (A Husband, Father, Author, Fisherman, Backpacker, and Aspirational Musician based in the Central Valley of California) talks with guest Denise Marek (An internationally known Worry Management Expert and the creator of the CALM Methodology for worry-free-living. Besides, she is a Lecturer, Consultant, Writer, and Author of several books including CALM which is coming out on November 2022). Today Denise is talking about how to help mothers be calmer using the four-step process.
Episode Highlights
- 01:40 – Denise has been awarded the Toastmasters International Accredited Speaker award for professionalism, outstanding achievement, and public speaking. She was the first woman in Ontario to ever receive this honor.
- 04:00 - When you learn how to stop worrying, it's going to allow your parenting experience to be more present happier, and less stressed.
- 05:50 - If you're looking deeper into the CALM, the C stands for Challenging your assumptions, because most of the time we're worrying, or assuming that something we don't want to happen might happen, says Denise.
- 08:00 – Denise states there's nothing wrong with making assumptions, however, the trouble is when you make negative assumptions, that's when you can start worrying.
- 10:00 – The second step is to ask yourself, will it matter a year from now? Most of the things we spend our time worrying about are really insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
- 12:00 - A lot of worries are when you're thinking, and there's something very important to do. Take action to control the things that you can control and one of the things you can control is self-care strategies.
- 14:00 – Denise talks about mastering your mind by catching and correcting throwaway words.
- 16:10 - Sometimes you have to acknowledge that you are exhausted and there is a time and place to talk.
- 19:20 - It's important to let go of the things that you can't control. We can learn to control our responses to the things that are happening.
- 21:25 – You should not feel guilty if you're not doing your best, if you are not doing things appropriately, and are not productive.
- 23:30 – Denise mentions that when you're feeling worried, it takes away some of your enjoyment. So, do what you can to learn how to stop worrying now and if you feel like you can't do it for you and do it for your kids.
Three Key Points
- It is important to learn how to stop worrying, because it's going to allow your parenting experience to be more pleasant, happier and less stressed. It is inappropriate if we're worried and thinking about things that could go wrong in the future. Once you have the tools to stop worrying, then you can share that poem with your children so that then when they grow up, they're will too learn to worry less and then it will pass it down for a generation. So, it really is a generational blessing to learn how to stop worrying as a mom.
- Most of the time when we're worrying, we're putting ourselves in the future, all of the things that could go wrong, but in the present, everything's okay. So, in the present, remind yourself that all is well right now. That's just the way our bodies work, if you were actually in danger, your body sets you into motion, your brain will just jump to take you into action. When you're just imagining remind yourself, I'm safe right now.
- We need to be on the lookout on the things that we automatically say to ourselves like, I can't do it or this isn't going right, etc. We need to pay attention to the words that we're speaking out because our minds will believe on these more. The things that we hear ourselves say, then the things we hear anyone else saying.
Tweetable Quotes
- “It's called CALM, and it's an Acronym, help us to understand what it means.” - Christopher Robins
- “There are some steps that you need to take to protect yourself, protect your family to protect your wealth, and that sort of thing.” - Denise Marek
- “Let's talk about the first one that I even mentioned in terms of all of those wave questions.” - Christopher Robins
- “When your environment is messy, or when your environment is unorganized, your brain sometimes can feel unorganized too.” - Denise Marek
- “I'm just talking about being careful that that becomes a habit.” - Denise Marek
- “My dad used to say do your best and forget the rest.” - Denise Marek
- “I have nine children and I can tell you that they've all come prepackaged, and we've done our best to teach and train them.” - Christopher Robins
- “Denise's book CALM for Moms comes out in November 2022, and visit her blog at www.denisemarec.com.” - Christopher Robins
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Denise Marek Instagram Facebook YouTube
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Sep 07, 2022
Wednesday Sep 07, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with Ali Jensen (Founder/Author and a military spouse and mom of three kids) about her very busy career, motherhood, and her two books one of which is ‘Perfect for This Skin You're In’.
Episode Highlights
- 02:10 – Ali says that she grew up in the corporate world and worked in human capital consulting for a long time. She is very passionate about well-being.
- 03:45 – Ali loves military life for so many reasons, as per her it’s an amazing community.
- 06:10 – Ali and her son spend a lot of the time together but as an author, she feels the book world has been interesting in terms of growing together, reading together, and talking together.
- 08:25 – Dr. Carla asks about Ali’s secret to creating a happy, and healthy family as well as her recommendations as a mom of three little ones and husband in the Air Force.
- 10:45 – Dr. Carla refers to what Ali said about emotional intelligence, modeling healthy emotions, and letting your kids see that it's okay to cry, and it's okay to have conflicting emotions.
- 12:45 - You become proud of yourself for trying something new, and if it doesn't work, that's fine.
- 14:45 – Ali says that when they wake up they have cheesy eggs, avocado, and toast in the morning.
- 16:50 – Dr. Carla asks Ali to share one of her secrets to motherhood and life success.
- 19:00 – They talk about Ali’s new book – ‘Perfect for This Skin You're In’’. Dr. Carla says she likes the title of the book so much.
- 21:00 - We all have gifts within, so be yourself and let yourself shine but also be accepting and we're only better together.
- 24:40 – Ali says that she is glad that she keeps it alive because if she asked her husband questions then he finally says, please, no more questions.
- 26:30 - If we bring it down to that one baby step at a time, one piece at a time, it's easy to forget.
Three Key Points
- Ali says that even if it's 30 minutes of getting outside in nature that helps them be happy and she thinks if she is happier it kind of sets the tone. So they try every day to get outside and make sure they're playing using creativity exercises. They definitely love sweets too but Ali’s daughter eats a ton of sweets and then she doesn’t feel good. So Ali thinks their main secret is their growth mindset and it is really tough. Also, they move so often, while they were moving in their last assignment in Colorado her daughters saw Ali crying and felt really sad. Ali thinks just being like a human and letting them know that you have all the emotions too. Ali is like you can be sad and cry and also be very excited for the next adventure and moving to a new country and exploring.
- We are in a world where we think that fear and anxiety are always bad when in fact sometimes having just the right amount of fear, and anxiety reflects that there's a close opportunity ahead. This is just a sign that we're growing and we're able to expand because we do get a little too comfortable in life where we're not expanding anymore.
- Dr. Carla thinks that curiosity is stout in many ways to judgments when we open up and we become curious and ask questions somehow and also her line of work. She doesn’t want to be a judgmental psychotherapist or author. When we open up and start asking questions and stay in that place of objectivity and beautiful childlike curiosity, we find so much on the other side. We find that we can act in a really vulnerable way in true ways.
Tweetable Quotes
- “I just love you talk about what makes you happy as a family.” – Ali Jensen
- “I have been either on the floor for meals or air mattresses, so that can be tough.” - Ali Jensen
- “My first book ‘Anything I Dream’ was inspired by my first daughter.” - Ali Jensen
- “Absolutely what a role model you are, not only do you have the flexibility and being able to adapt to your ever-changing world, but also creativity is clear that you're radiating light for them to see creativity and action.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I appreciate everything that you said and shared right there.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I think COVID made a lot of people reflect on you know, what do I want to do?” - Ali Jensen
- “We all mess up, we're human, but like what can I learn from it and how can I do better next time?” - Ali Jensen
- “It sounds as if you take your role as mom very seriously in a fun way.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Please tell about the genesis of the book and how it can be used to make women and moms and people, in general, feel good about who they are.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “It sounds like a really exquisite book and I really appreciate what you were just saying about listening.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I think if you just focus on one thing.” - Ali Jensen
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Aug 31, 2022
Wednesday Aug 31, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guests Ale and Coco. They talk about how they use Instagram and the world of social media to help empower children, families, women, and everybody.
Episode Highlights
- 01:22 – Ale introduces herself and says having the internet for her has been this wonderful way of sharing things that she’s thinking with everyone and starting conversations, critical thinking, and picture books because that's what she’s really passionate about.
- 03:53 – Ale thinks that there's a lot to be said about how families are changing when they see picture books evolve over time.
- 05:03 – Coco introduces herself and says that she does a lot professionally. She talks about the theory-to-practice aspect of AR Education which is anti-bias, and anti-racist education.
- 07:30 - The whole idea of Librarian Fight Club is that she wants other people to start conversations as well, not just have it to herself, states Ale.
- 10:00 – Ale states that children's books are a reflection of society in general.
- 12:39 – Coco says that picture books provide a very specific structure for the reader and the caregiver who might be a little bit unfamiliar with the topic that they're trying to address.
- 14:23 – Dr. Carla says, if one helps their child develop critical thinking, all that they’re asking or suggesting is that they teach the child how to ponder and assess what they hear, what they read, and what they see so that they can look at it from different perspectives.
- 16:00 – Coco explains how we can use that mirror picture book to facilitate critical thinking.
- 17:35 – We need to pick up the book, and have a goal in mind of what we want to do with this book, or have the goal in mind before we pick the book, and then come up with two or three questions that we can plant.
- 19:25 – Ale mentions that she and Coco were fundamentally a little bit opposite in their approaches to life.
- 21:00 – Dr. Carla says that those who like to be preparing things, go with Coco's approach, and for those who like to fly by the seat of their pants listen to what Ale is saying.
- 24:19 - Children should be allowed to be the expert of whatever they're talking about.
- 26:16 –Coco and Ale are doing great work in allowing adults to come and give their voices but also teaching children at the same time almost in a parallel way, mentions Dr. Carla.
- 28:33 - It's important that young people are given the space to not only state their opinions, but also to see examples of adults in their lives, says Coco.
- 30:20 – Ale says that if we're disagreeing with someone on the internet, we can engage with them, but we should try and engage with them as we would with a colleague or a peer.
- 32:57 – Dr. Carla says, we should give a child the chance from a very young age to learn.
- 34:05 – Coco says, her mission aligns very similar to Ale’s where she wants families (biological or chosen) to be able to use books as resources to open up lines of communication and be able to find a space and a vocabulary for the things that may be going on inside of a tiny human.
Three Key Points
- Ale mentions - it's important that we have spaces where people who have totally different ideas on things like books can talk and it's okay to not agree in the space. She does feel like one of her pet peeves with social media is that we all kind of exist in these Echo Chambers, like a bubble. We follow everybody who agrees with everything we say all of the time, and then every so often we get this weird reminder like a glimpse into this above all the people who are completely different, and every single opinion they have is different. There's never this time when we can come together and talk about something that is incredibly volatile.
- Coco explains - critical thinking or when we hear folks talk about critical thinking skills or development, they're talking about the ability as a human to stop and think about for a moment of fact. So, for instance, critical thinking can look a whole bunch of different ways. It could be us reading a newspaper headline that somebody shared on Instagram and being like, hold on a second. It's the ability to look at a piece of information and think about it from all angles, it is a good skill for any human to have. It's definitely a big goal to help kids develop those skills.
- Dr. Carla says - social media ways and technology have made us a little more separate from each other and Ale and Coco have initiated such a beautiful movement. They both are engaged in helping people to come together through books and reading as well as by having healthy dialogues. Dialogue doesn't mean we need to agree, it means we can be absolutely opposing horses and still be respectful.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Picture books are just so important for families to start conversations to build literacy.” – Ale
- “My passion really lies in helping educators.” – Coco
- “Taking the theoretical concept, giving it real life flavor so we can put it to use in our lives.” – Dr. Carla
- “It's okay to have differences. In fact, we learn when we have differences.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “It's impossible to engage in critical thinking with children in families anywhere if you're not willing to accept the possibility that you could be wrong.” – Ale
- “We don't get as much engagement whereas the open-ended question invites at least one full sentence.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “You shouldn't be barraging a child with too many questions during a reading because it breaks up the narrative.” – Ale
- “I pick up books that I think look good, and I don't pre-read them. I read them for the first time with my kids.” – Ale
- “I don't see a lot of value in yes/no questions unless I'm checking for comprehension.” – Ale
- “One of the things that as parents we should be thinking of is how our behavior online is creating safer, unsafe spaces.” – Ale
- “We can have our opinions and still be respectful of somebody else's.” – Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “I try to empower people to question what they're reading home with their kids.” – Ale
- “The more I know me and understand me, the more I'll contribute to a healthy happy family healthy happy world.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Ale: Instagram Website Podcast
- Coco: Instagram Website
- Podcast Editing
Wednesday Aug 17, 2022
Wednesday Aug 17, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Jessica Speer, an author focused on helping kids and families thrive. She talks about her new book ‘Middle School Safety Goggles Advised’. This is a deep dive into the middle school experience in a way that's fun, but also honest and filled with the voices of students.
Episode Highlight
- 01:07 – Dr. Carla says that she loves Jessica’s subject matter because it's all about kids, all about helping children and their parents.
- 03:22 – Jessica mentions that she spent a lot of time in seventh-grade classrooms because she really wanted to understand what is it like to be a middle-schooler today.
- 05:00 - It's not about blaming, shaming, should or shouldn't, it’s about waiting, slowing down, taking a look at what works for us, and what would create a healthy positive outcome, states Jessica.
- 07:02 – Dr. Carla states about Jessica’s book that the book helps prevent some of the things from happening. We can’t control everything but this book gives really solid tips and tools for self-awareness.
- 09:04 - It was a joy to work with kids and Jessica added as much as she could. She included a lot of their insights and wisdom in this book because kids have a ton and that makes it so real.
- 11: 35 – Dr. Carla enquires when we look at the book - ‘Middle School Safety Goggles Advised’, how is this book going to help make families happier?
- 14:23 – Jessica says, being in the classroom was so fun, and she loves getting to know the kids over the course of the year.
- 16:12 - Dr. Carla enquires from Jessica about what would she say to the parents who say, “What stress our child possibly could have as they are provided with food, clothing, shelter, and all of these luxury items?”
- 18:01 – Jessica shares, what parents can do to mitigate some of that stress in each of those three areas.
- 20:15 - People think middle schoolers need seven or eight hours of sleep, but as per research it is around 10-12 hours instead.
- 22:04 – Dr. Carla says, she is a firm believer in phone technology out of the bedroom and it's important for parents to have the same rules.
- 24:00 – If we do notice overtime that they're struggling more than they should be maybe not wanting to go to school and starting to complain and using gigs and things like that, that might be a time where we do need to step in and get some extra help.
- 25:38 – Dr. Carla enquires from Jessica if a parent notices that something's wrong and suspects that a child's being bullied, what would she say to such parent, and how does a parent proceed?
- 27:08 – Jessica states that kids need to lead the charge as to how we're going to fix it and how we're going to create this change.
- 29:20 – Jessica mentions they’ve done a great job of bullying awareness in this book.
- 31:00 - In all these situations, as parents staying as calm and grounded as possible and trying to get as much information and understanding as we can be a great place to start, mentions Jessica.
- 33:22 – Dr. Carla says that for a parent, it really helps them understand a little bit more what today's struggles are like, for that middle schooler.
- 36:00 - Jessica says, it was fun to write those and they're really thought-provoking for kids and adults.
Three Key Points
- Jessica says about the book that it's kind of a gentle but fun way to help kids, think through common but difficult situations. So yeah, it's got beautiful illustrations that she’s super excited about, she thinks it's going to be a fun read for kids and a read that will help parents get their head back in the middle school game, what middle school was really like. This book will quickly bring them right back into their middle school years.
- Jessica explains how this book is going to make families happier from the parent’s perspective, it's helpful to get their head in that space when their kids are about to enter or are in middle school, and then for kids, just the chance to kind of learn and grow and know that there are resources out there and there are resources within themselves and they've got choices. So, it's written in a way like they're reading what their friend might be telling them because there are tons of stories and quotes from peers.
- Dr. Carla says - another one of the pieces that she really loves about Jessica’s book is that educators can read it and can take a lot of insights from the book. Parents can read it, better understand their children and have a better idea of how to help their middle school years. Not be perfect, nothing's perfect, but be healthy and fun.
Tweetable Quotes
- “This book is super interactive, filled with humor and fun and stories.” - Jessica Speer
- “The best insights I heard kids which I incorporated in the book is ‘choose your own ending story.” - Jessica Speer
- “It just gives a sneak preview into middle school for kids entering or like right in the thick of it.” - Jessica Speer
- “If they read it, they will tap into the tricky part of middle school.” - Jessica Speer
- “Some of the best insights I got when I had little slips of paper and just asked a simple question.” - Jessica Speer
- “The trickiest things that they named were, the social media is tricky” - Jessica Speer
- “There are three different kinds of stress.” - Jessica Speer
- “Parents can do a lot taking the pressure off that academic stress.” - Jessica Speer
- “We need to get those stress levels back down to a healthy level.” - Jessica Speer
- “It's okay to let go of activities.” - Jessica Speer
- “The kids I was talking to they were pretty clear they were not getting enough sleep.” - Jessica Speer
- “As humans sometimes have to learn how to deal with mean people, how to stand up for ourselves, how to not take things personally, and how to just move on.” - Jessica Speer
- “It's important for parents to understand that difference too because we don't want to go off the handle if it's not a situation of bullying.” - Jessica Speer
- “We all are on these journeys to figure out, what are our strengths, what are our weaknesses, where are opportunities to grow.” - Jessica Speer
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Aug 10, 2022
Wednesday Aug 10, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly (A practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California) talks with guest Owen Dara (A Filmmaker, Musician, Writer, and Comedian). Dara talks about how he uses his creative talent including many of them to help families to be happy. Also, he talks about how he dealt with depression for decades from the time he was a young child, till he was a teenager.
Episode Highlights
- 01:48 – Owen says, he has always been an artist, even though he didn't acknowledge it when he was growing up, because it wasn't something that was openly supported in his household as a profession.
- 03:57 - When Owen was six years old, they moved to Cork city.
- 05:00 – Owen explains how he came to the US.
- 07: 10 – Owen mentions that he has never regretted moving to the US.
- 10:08 – Owen says, he is prone to depression, and he can't just get depressed with everything else that he was doing. He tried other jobs, and he just thought he has to try to at least express this creativity whether it becomes a profession or not.
- 12:56 – Owen ended up working in the creative arts and got into a college in Australia. He studied for four years at Melbourne University.
- 14:09 - During the period when Owen was studying, he started doing stand-up comedy, and that opened up the professional world for him.
- 16:07 - Dr. Carla says about Owen that if he had taken a linear path of being a Dentist then how much more difficult it would be for him.
- 19:19 - If Owen had found his true calling there, possibly never would have left that place, and then he would have missed out on so many experiences, says Owen.
- 21:22 - People who don’t suffer from depression, are blessed in his opinion and lucky in many ways. They don't understand what depression is, states Owen.
- 23:41 – Owen says, it was recommended by a teacher of him or a Headmaster at a certain school to his mother that he should seek professional help.
- 25:03 – Owen’s mother said, thinking about what's best for him and his future to get on with it. He didn't know that until he was an adult and went through other bugs of depression and talked to his mother about it.
- 27:07 – Owen says, his Catholic education was maybe what brought him to that place.
- 30:27 – Owen says, being an entertainer helped a lot because being forced to get up in front of people, when he had professional engagements and express himself, helped get it out of him.
- 33:20 - When one suffers from depression, it’s a lifelong thing, one is never cured. One just learns to deal with it better as time goes on, says Owen.
- 34: 37 – Dr. Carla says there are still so many people who believe that depression is something to be gotten over that why don't you just be happy?
- 36:33 - Each time we go through a phase of depression, it can last up to maybe three or four months, says Owen.
- 38:00 - Sometimes depression comes out of nowhere and they suddenly start thinking we’re fine, states Owen.
- 40:46 – Owen states that he doesn't think his dad would mind him speaking about this because they're being so open and suffered terribly from depression.
- 43:30 - It feels better at the moment, then the next day it's back and the negative self-talk is back to self-soothing of that type is not the solution, says Dr. Carla.
- 45:34 – Owen says that he is probably mild manic depressive but controllable.
- 47:25 – Dr. Carla has so much respect for what Owen has shared. It is so much information and the heart he has imparted.
- 49:44 – Dr. Carla asks Owen to share a bit about filmmaking and how that gives him joy.
- 53:32 – Owen mentions that this comedy and his other films too, could be watched by families. There's nothing in there that somebody might be restricted.
- 55:58 – Owen shares, that they were all making a connection at that point, and he and Dr. Carla had never met but they connected to those comments.
- 57:24 – Being with that person in their pain at that moment and being present is the best thing that anybody can ever do, says Owen.
- 59:46 - It's the friends, it's the family, and it's the connection that is the most important.
- 62:30 – Owen says, during depression one’s face and whole being is so heavy. He described it to somebody one time as mercury in one’s veins.
- 66:04 -Dr. Carla states, that depression is a much-shortened space of what one lives with.
- 68:06 - Life is better each year because he understands it more, states Owen.
- 70:36 – Thankfully in this country, we are advanced enough in the medical field and in the mental health field enough to know that help is available, says Owen.
- 72:09 – Dr. Carla asks Dara to share two or three titbits that he'd like to give to our listeners today.
- 74:50 - We all have those commitments that we need to do, and we may not have that choice right now, says Owen.
- 76:43 – Owen has learned that setting those goals however small, is important to our sense of well-being and our sense of fulfillment and happiness.
- 78:20 – Owen mentions that he very quickly found that there is no joy in sharing the same material night after night.
- 80:06 – That moment made Owen understand why rich people say, wealth doesn't bring you happiness.
- 82:42 - When Owen was going through depression and he couldn't work, then one of his friends said he doesn’t have to achieve anything. He needs to congratulate himself for getting out of bed in the morning.
- 84:21 - Anything that gives us purpose is an achievement, states Owen.
- 86:58 - We're all playing our parts, to the degree at which we’re being guided by our desires, says Owen.
- 89:40 - All of us are in a situation that's not as good as what somebody else has, but better than what somebody else has, states Owen.
- 90:19 – Owen states that as long as it's bringing us fulfillment and we're moving forward that's what's important.
- 92:36 – Owen wrote his childhood, wild horses in Irish childhood and his journey growing up in Ireland, depression, and those challenges.
Three Key Points
- Owen says - the stigma that is in our society, and also the stigma that we carry ourselves as people who suffer from depression. The only way we're going to mitigate that is just to share and to say, look, we're people too.
- Dr. Carla highlights about Owen that it has gotten better year-by-year, not because he has ignored it, not because he has solved it over with substances, but because he faced it, he has paid attention to it and he learned through hard work, how to manage it.
- Dr. Carla shares - if one is suffering from depression, anxiety, mental health issues or not, they need to get in their way. They’re doing small things which can feel like a very big thing like getting out of bed, that’s good, that is right for them, that is a success for them. When we all contribute in our ways to the best that we can to that moment or that day, then we are going to do good things and wonderful things. We don't need to do great things, we can do small things with great love and when we do small things with great love, that is incredible, that is everything. Doing small things every day to the best of our ability that is living with love.
Tweetable Quotes
- “If I were to follow a different path, it would be intended with the path that I've chosen.” - Owen Dara
- “When it hit me as a teen. I thought that I would never ever get through it.” - Owen Dara
- “He said, if he gets help now if he gets psychiatric help, it will be on his permanent record.” - Owen Dara
- “Growing up in the Catholic Church, we are taught that suicide is the worst sin of all.” - Owen Dara
- “If you murder somebody, you can repent and find everything. If you take your own life, there's no repentance.” - Owen Dara
- “I went through another depression when I was working in London.” - Owen Dara
- “By the end of the show, not always but a lot of the times I would feel like Oh, my God, I'm cured.” - Owen Dara
- “One in four people suffer from a form of depression.” - Owen Dara
- “I certainly would not be as creative as I am without depression.” - Owen Dara
- “Depression is walking around with a 100-pound weight on your shoulders and not knowing why it's there and not being able to get it off.” – Dr. Carla Manly
- “I get a thrill from writing something that makes me laugh.” - Owen Dara
- “A great thing about being a writer is, you can guide the conversation.” - Owen Dara
- “It is a connection with other people that can help us through that.” - Owen Dara
- “The actual connection that I get with the people that I'm working on the set is, payment enough for the work.” - Owen Dara
- “Comedy has so many healing powers of its own.” - Dr. Carla Manly
- “The bouts of depression get shorter and less frequent as I get older. And I've learned to deal with it.” - Owen Dara
- “Anybody who's going through depression or any kind of challenge like that. Know that it's not forever.” - Owen Dara
- “There's always better choices than the worst choices.” - Owen Dara
Resources Mentioned
Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
In today’s episode of the “Helping Families Be Happy” podcast, host Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a practicing Clinical Psychologist, Wellness Advocate, and Author based in Sonoma County, California talks with guest Donna Tetreault. They discuss her new book “The CASTLE Method”, a life-changing, and relationship-changing book. This book helps in understanding all these concepts of self-parenting.
Episode Highlights
- 01:45 – Donna shares that she has been in this child area for a long time with a little bit of a stint in just general assignment reporting.
- 03:10 – Dr. Carla asks Donna, why compassion is important in a family?
- 05:00 – Dr. Carla enquires that how can we show compassion to the child?
- 07:50 - We need to have the acceptance of that child and who they are and not judge and not then turn that into something else that changes who this person is, says Donna.
- 09:37 – Dr. Carla highlights that when we remove that shaming vocabulary, the child is abler to prosper.
- 11:06 - We don't want to be doing the shaming because we don't learn when we shame, states Dr. Carla
- 13:35 – We need to log into emotional security. Donna doesn't think as parents we’re necessarily trained or taught how to provide emotional security to our children.
- 15:24 – Donna talks about SEL (Social Emotional Learning).
- 16:28 - It's about this emotional security that's built in early on and that also leads us to better mental health and well-being, says Donna.
- 17:38 - Trust is something that we have to build into ourselves as parents, and then also allow ourselves to trust our children, mentions Donna
- 19:10 – Donna says, if something comes up, trust what you're thinking and believing and then go to the education part of it and educate yourself on it.
- 20:05 - What happens when parents break the child's trust, or when the child breaks the parent’s trust? How do we handle that in ‘The CASTLE Method’? Dr. Carla enquires
- 22:24 - When we do something that takes the trust away from our child, we need to say we're sorry, highlights Donna.
- 25:00 – Donna says, she has to be curious and ask a lot of questions to find out the exact reason why something happening in the story or what's going on.
- 27:07 – We need to start teaching our kids self-love early on.
- 29:58 – Donna mentions they’re trying to hyper-focus on the ability to allow the child to be proud on his own.
- 31:42 – Another part of expectations is to promote positivity inside the family and the parents.
- 33: 33 - We can cultivate and create more joy but it's also okay for us to have times where joy isn't present, states Dr. Carla.
- 35:00 – Dr. Carla enquires about how can we use ‘The CASTLE Method’ to make families be happier?
- 39:52 - We are compassionate, and accepting, we are creating security, we create trust, and we have love and solid expectations. Expectations that are good, says Dr. Carla.
- 41:00 – Donna wants to teach young children that we need to be able to forgive our parents and understand and have compassion for them in where they were and how they were parenting.
Three Key Points
- Donna shares that ‘The CASTLE Method’ is an acronym that's used as a metaphor to build the castle or the family of your dreams. Not the perfect family. But the best version of your unique family. And so, CASTLE stands for Compassion, Acceptance, Security, Trust, Love, Expectations, plus Education and all of these are foundational principles to build that sound foundation for your family.
- Donna highlights - that acceptance is about accepting the individual, the child for who they are inside, who they are supposed to be in their lives and not trying to steer their lives, but allowing them to unfold as they should and following them on their path accepting their path.
- Donna explains, that what she’s trying to do with her new Book ‘The CASTLE Method’ is, we're together, how are we going to grow each other together to build out the best mom and dad, the best kids, the best family, to the best of our ability, our unique family because no family looks the same. So, it's just about trying to get the family to be the best version of itself.
Tweetable Quotes
- “Empathy is being able to put yourself in somebody else's shoes, but compassion takes it a step further in that you are working to alleviate the suffering of another”. Donna Tetreault
- “When we have this compassionate mindset and we practice it, we're really bringing out the best in our family.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We need to accept a child for who they are in every way.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Acceptance is not only the antithesis of rejection, but it also means that we're not shaming and judging.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “Our brains don't learn when we're shamed.” - Dr. Carla Marie Manly
- “One strategy that I use throughout the book and inside of this security chapter is emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We really need to practice this emotional security.” - Donna Tetreault
- “If they don't have the empathy or compassion in their leadership, they won't be good leaders.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Don't ever do something for a child that he can do for himself.” - Donna Tetreault
- “I know my kid and I want to help my kid be the best version of himself. So, I'm going to trust him.” - Donna Tetreault
- “If you are a teacher, and you're not following what you're doing as a teacher, you're not going to have any buy-in with the child.” - Donna Tetreault
- “We teach our children self-esteem, and self-esteem is super important.” - Donna Tetreault
- “Self-responsibility also builds self-love.” - Donna Tetreault
Resources Mentioned
- Helping Families be Happy Podcast Apple
- Dr. Carla Marie Manly Website LinkedIn Twitter Instagram
- Donna Tetreault: Website Instagram Facebook
- Podcast Editing